A Sabbatical Month .... November 2013

   Nov. 30th 2013 ....  I took a Sabbatical from "thinking" .... no not really .. but how do you address "same ole same ole" and keep it interesting?  Either everyone plus yourself begins to grow tired of the WHINE or it grows very boring! ....... the other side is a lack of access to a computer when I want to write ..... I am really on my Hubby to get another computer so we both can have one.
     So where are we? ..... Lots of emotions and upheavals in the last month! ...... On November 4th Ms. "D" left for West Virginia, her mother is gravely ill and is dying. FOUR DAYS OF PEACE!! Woohoohoo!!! No really it was! ...... We had 4 days of the kids behavior improved tremendously, Missy L was controlled, and we had only one out of control incident with Missy L. Mr.S spent time out in the living quarters with the kids and joined in conversations with the rest of the family. Mr. S actually was able to get some sleep for 4 nights. (Ms.D arrived @ bus station @ 10PM on Nov. 8th)
   December 10th 2013 .....  Ms. D has been going great for the last week ... Hallelujah!! I actually was able to approach her and compliment her on her better moods. I told her I loved this person, and it wasn't I didn't love the other "angry, resentful, hateful cussing and foul mouthed person" I just didn't like her actions or behavior. I also told her i wish she would work on her foul language and get rid of it as a way of coping when she is this other person! ....... We still have the everyday difficulties that go with a dysfunctional family ...... Sunday I so needed to stay for church ..... but Bubby was in a "MOOD" from the get go! ..... NOT LISTENING! ..... even his sunday school teacher was not impressed with his behavior and mentioned he was a handful because he wasn't listening. ...... I had planned on staying for church but had to leave because he was acting out so BAD!! SIGH!!! ....... this was a 1st for him, normally he is fairly well behaved @ church.

Decisions ... Decisions

October 28th 2013 ..... 0n lunch break ..... Had an awesome weekend @ the training seminar. Learned a lot. Stayed with one of the Trainers and spent a very wonderful relaxing time unwinding at a very gracious home of my hostess.
  To back track .... On Thursday arrived home late afternoon to find my house turned upside down by two "rug rats" our 3 & 4 year old .... I stifled my anger and ask ..... WHY!!! ??? with 5 adults home all day the house looks like a tornado hit it. .... I was told that i had no right to expect them to watch the kids all the time ....... say what??!! .......... 
     How long is too long? .... How much does one have to endure to fulfill "your not moving anymore, your going to live here"? ..... that was my noble statement while this family was fresh and needing help to get on there feet. Now it's back to "same old same old" .... total disrespect for my home, treating me like they are the owners and not my hubby & me. The debris field that they are creating is getting worst. ...... They are getting no where fast ..... it's like they are moving backwards again into the ABYSS ..... where they keep falling into repeatedly ..... 
    I am trying to come up with a game plan that can and will be helpful to them and us .... They have no where to go and couldn't afford it even if they wanted to. ..... And if they go they will more then likely loose their kids ..... possibly forever! ...... lot weighing on my shoulders. 

Mental illness has no time schedule.

    Sunday afternoon ..... Oct 20th 2013 ...... Oh what 24 hours can bring ...... All this past week I had tentatively prepared in my mind and verbally with everyone else in the household that we were going to tear out the kitchen .. at least the half our non-working range top & built in oven occupied. I was suppose to have some help ...... well I did ... but .... not with cleaning out stuff & having it ready to tear out on Saturday morning. Mental illness has no time schedule or preference when it comes and goes; not that it ever leaves but certain aspects of certain mental illnesses have their cycles. It also knows no age boundaries. Ms. D has hers. We have had a really great week, she was highly functioning, and upbeat. By Friday morning I had high hopes ...... by Friday night she was spiraling downward into the abyss of dismal thinking and responses. I didn't hold out any hope of her being any help with the kitchen.  On Friday night the sweet talking and kind person was vanishing into this foul languages mean person who thinks in terms of warped anger and self imploding/ destructive mentality and this is when we are having good moments with everyone else. The positive side is Miss LL (our 13 yr old) was holding her own and working through her own Explosive Anger Disorder and controlling it somewhat. I was proud of her. All and all you take what you can get when you get it.

     I have joined NAMI .... it is the National Alliance on Mental Illness  I hope to become a facilitator (a counselor / group leader) in my area when done with all the training I am about to embark upon. .... I know in and of myself I am totally inadequate to help this family group that lives with me. My training so far has consisted of the school of LIFE'S EXPERIENCES! That is all I know is what I have learned through daily living, working, associating with, dealing with various interactions with others who have emotional and mental issues.

    All said and done ..... we (as in Mr SL, Mr. C and myself) tore out our kitchen, range top, built in oven, counter top, & what was left of the cabinets. My hubby helped here and there where he could. My plan was to wire in a new stove receptacle for the stove that was in the garage to plug into. That was the plan ...... but here is the actual reality ...... We found that there was aluminum wire from the built in oven to the wall.  We had to go to town and buy some copper wire to wire in the receptacle for the stove. by the time we had this done it was late afternoon. That's when we flipped the breakers and BANG! all the electric went out ....... so now here is 9 of us & no electric. ....... Well we got some of it working ..... about 1/2 the house. We had to take the microwave into the laundry room, run extension cords from the bathroom ..... and call an electrician! ...... God bless our electrician friend! they came out this morning (Sunday) ...... Our main breaker outisde is almost fried. We are hoping to get it fixed by Thursday or Friday. That's when we have made plans to have our elecrician friends back. ..........  By then we should be able to have the parts we need & the electric company here to shut off the electric to the place.

A Bit Crazy Suddenly ...

    Oct 5th 2013 I have tried to think of several new names for this blog ..... like the "Incredible Crazy Journey" .... or maybe "Out of My Mind and Loving It" which sounds way to mushy .... or "Living in an Insane Asylum" which would sometimes be a bit more accurate .... but .... not always true ... we do have some incredibly awesome good moments .... (but I'm sure they do in those places where the mentally ill reside too ......) Trying to be politically correct here .... LOL. 
      Last Sunday was my birthday .... fairly nice and comfy ... only two major upheavals from the 13 year old Miss LL .... one on Saturday and one on Sunday. Instead of her "Out of Controls" at night she now has with a med change switched to mornings Oh hurrah hurrah!!@! .....
    This past week we kind of went from 8 of us now to 9 of us ...... A long time ago I ask God to quit sending me stray animals ....... I was Pet Food Poor!! ...... So now I get stray people ..... LOL.
A man was dropped off at my office ..... it was someone I knew .... he was about the first person I actually got to know when we moved to Kentucky 20 years ago. I met him @ the library. Anyway Chuck had been living with some people we knew, they are a lot like us, they took in every stray animal and homeless human in the county ..... Chuck was one of them. They (including Chuck) lost everything in a house fire about 2 weeks ago, thus we took in Chuck. ...... He just about has no one. His daughter died a couple of years ago  from a grand mall seizure, she was in her early 30's and his mom is in a nursing home. He stayed at the nursing home until we took him in.
     October 17th 2013 ..... Been awhile since I posted .... Chuck has been with us for about 3 weeks now, SIGH!! ..... he is really a nice person but lives in this imaginary world. He has no income and not a lot of oomph to find work. He excels at watching documentaries, westerns, and any other video's that catches his eye, he also loves to be on our computer all day searching for "LOST TREASURES & where to "Gold prospect", and where to hunt for "Bigfoot" ......... Chuck is a mid "fifty-ish child" who was VERY CLOSE to his mama and very doted on by her. Nevertheless ......  he's not with mama anymore and yesterday he found out that I can get ornery when I come home and find he'd been on the computer all day and nothing was done!! (he was home alone all day) Mr. S & Ms. D took Missy LL to  try and get her admitted into a hospital for some help ...... I had Bubby and Miss K had Pixie. So I took some time to cool off a bit then ask him to please DO SOMETHING!! ....... so .... I got my floors swept & my dishes done.

Knee Jerk Reactions

    I was writing in my journal this morning ..... and reading a devotional book I read everyday. It was giving some instructons how to improve one's spiritual walk basically. As I journaled (wrote in my book) I penned the words "Knee Jerk Reaction" I say it often but never took time to really think about wht I said. This morning it hit me !! ....... this is when the doctor takes his or her, as in my case and taps your knee and your lower leg kicks out. Often "Knee Jerk Reactions" in our life aren't from large things hitting us up side the head but from small nudges and taps below the "knees" so to speak that create a instant responce from us. ...........
       I began to think about those "things and situations" that cause these kind of reactions and what makes me respond the way I do? ....................
#1) To have a "KJR" (Knee Jerk Reaction) first of all you need to have been programmed with the idea or ideal how to react then you need to be programmed with a reaction.
 #2) It has become a naturally imbedded response to certain given situations and happenings.
      For me ..... as I began to explore these particular mentalities I possess that cause these reactions, it was like a snowball rolling down a mountain side to the deepest valley below.
     One of the "KJR's" I have is "Mis-Trust" in certain people with in the parameters of certain situations.  One particlar situation that occured yesterday was our computer was "messed with". I recieved a call from a very distraught hubby late in the afternoon when he arrived home to find he couldn't access his email, Facebook or his game. He tried to discribe what was going on but to be honest all I "heard" was it was seriously messed up!! I was "certain who was responsible" so therefore began to build on this "KJR" to what I assumed was the "WHO & the WHY!" ...... From the point of informaton over the phone to when I actually arrived home was several hours. That was several hours of IMAGINATION running rampant with possibilities .......
    Arriving home I made some verbal inquiries ( and accusations) about who was home all day.... I found out who I THOUGHT was here all day unsupervised wasn't. That threw the first kink into my "KJR" ..... and I must say it slowed my "KJR" down considerably. The second piece of info was .... who was on it, our 13 yr old. She doesn't have the general abilities to screw it up on purpose. So another kink went into my "KJR" I was already on a roll and being a bit loud and "yelly" in the process...... Then I actually came into the computer room to have a look at the computer ..... I must say it was everything my hubby discribed .......After considering it for a bit, I decided to "LOGGED OUT" ....... that's when I discovered that "the someone (our 13 yr old) " who was already hitting her Explosive Anger Disorder LEVELS from my "KJR" when I got home ..... was the one who more then likely was responsible. .......... and more then likely she was gearing up because she knew she was responsible. .......... That's when I realized my KJR was WRONG! ( as most of the 90% of them are)  "KJR's" are mostly ASSUMING THINGS before all the facts are in, which can really mess things up when you find out the REAL FACTS and they aren't even close to the "KJR" It leaves a basic mess for the person who is owner of the "KJR" to sort it out, fix it and clean up the problem the "KJR" caused!
    OK so here's what happen ...... years ago when we had custody of our 16 year old grandson we gave him his own "LOG IN" site for our computer this was so we could set up PARENTAL CONTROLS on his site and then we could have our own stuff without him accessing our side. He liked to do things on the computer when angry. So this kept our stuff safe (like not deleted or worst). Anyway he ended up having to be in a special foster home for out of control kids because we couldn't deal with his ANGER, RUNNING AWAY, STEALING and DRUG DEALING any longer. After he left we didn't have need to access it and so it was left alone and passwords were forgotten ....... UNTIL YESTERDAY ..... when Miss LL typed in a password she randomly found in our "book of information" and it ACTUALLY WAS THE PASSWORD! ........ so what we thought was bad turned out to be good ..... and now after her & I doing some in depth discussions she has her own side to the computer she can access .... with PARENTAL CONTROLS intact.

Emotional Roller Coasters

    Life .... what is normal? I saw a cute saying the other day .... "Someone called me normal the other day, ... I was deeply insulted! "  It tickled my funny bone and I laughed but .... BEING NORMAL?  I am not sure what that is? ....
    Yesterday I was so depressed and weighted down with heavy burdens and decision making .... I wasn't sure whether I was coming or going. I am in process of "altering some lives of some people" Dictates of my job and my home have forced me into positions that left no alternatives. My job as an apartment manager is one of the most rewarding jobs I have ever had! Renting apartments gives you opportunity to meet a lot of very interesting people, some really wonderful people and some who become terrific tenants then there is always those who don't fit any of those categories .... if you know what I mean!! We are a partially subsidized housing unit and when I can inform a tenant that they have been assigned assistance, and I am aware of the household income and I know the relief that the assistance will provide the household, it is a very rewarding experience. On the other hand when a household is unable to pay rent, sometimes I sit and cry with them when we come to the conclusion they must move. ..... And yes to be really honest there are those whose "moving" can bring much needed relief to the community and joy to the management office. ........... Then there is the home front .... this I can personalize ..... I became aware several weeks ago that Ms. D who lives with me had agreed in court to take custody of her 17 yr old daughter. This was after lengthy discussions between us where she said she didn't want custody and had no idea what she'd do if ask, she said she couldn't handle her 17 year old and wasn't emotionally stable enough to take on another child. I agreed with her and I felt we are already packed in and adding another adult size body to the mix who had in times past been an emotional roller coaster to be around and had become aggressively dangerous in the past, was too much. (Note** Missy K has grown up considerably BUT ..... leopards don't change their spots that easily they just learn to hide in taller grass ..... translation is: She seems a lot more "happy, peaceful ... etc .... etc .... BUT there were a few things that disturbed me still and I couldn't quite put my finger on it .... ) I had to be the bad guy and vehemently say NO ... NO .... NO!!! ..... to her living at our house. I spent the evening having accusing eyes staring holes into me ..... not the most pleasant feeling in your own home.
   This morning I awoke so heavy feeling and weighted down with yesterdays decisions I barely could function. This HUGH BLACK CLOUD HOVERD OVER ME ....  and .... it was gloomy and dark and rainy too ..... double black clouds .... emotional & natural. Headed to work and began to complain to God! .... Then I heard (rather felt this deep impression) to start to be thankful for everything ....... SAY WHAT?? THANKFUL FOR WHAT???  ..... Ok .... another deep impression came over me  this time encouraging me to just start where I was at ...... Alright!! you want me to start where I am at???   Here it is ..... Thank you for the lousy mess I am facing ... Thank You for the heavy burdens that are piled on my shoulders, thank your for the this family that has caused me so much grief, Thank You for the this job that right now is a hugh pain as I have to deal with all these problems!! .......... All of a sudden ..... YEP!! SUDDENLY ..... this emotional ray of light began strongly impressing through me and swirling around me ..... as I continued along these lines of being thankful I began to really mean it in a TRUTHFUL SENSE and not just sarcastically. By the time I reached work I was finding real things to be thankful for. My misery, weights and pain had turned into joy, peace and calm. What came through originally that I had rejected was I needed to Praise ..... but I couldn't handle that word ..... BUT I COULD IDENTIFY WITH BEING THANKFUL ..... even if it was originally sarcastic, what was important was i was honest and I obeyed the "IMPRESSION" ...... Then I let God deal with the rest! ....... This was the best part of the roller coaster ride I had between the two days.

What a day!?

   September 9th 2013 .....  It's MONDAY!! ..... and Oohhh ... what a day! .... awoke with a migraine ...... barely shook it and was out the door for work. Arrived to my office to find people issues! bickering and fighting, troubles troubles and more troubles. Yep it's Monday. LOTS of DECISIONS to make. A friend of mine  whom I met about two years ago, had spent some time incarcerated. They moved about 50 miles away and we stay in touch via phone calls here and there. I had agreed to mentor them for group counseling sessions they are required to attend ..... I was approved earlier this year for the "post" I was a nerved up wreck all weekend at the thought of facing a group of unknown people because we all have to "say" things ..... and I knew I'd snap if required to "preform this requirement" at the meetingI ask my Hubby to use him as an excuse to not go ...... he said nothing doing! If I don't want to go I need to just tell my friend! .... easier said then done but I did it and felt better immediately .... #1) I was honest and told them I didn't want to go! #2) They responded back it was OK! .....
 

Who am I?

       Who am I? ...... Lately the decision making has escalated  ...... at home and at work. More major decisions in a weeks time then I want to deal with in this century! I wear many hats, Wife, mother, Grandmother, caregiver, babysitter, counselor, friend, "enemy", nursemaid, mechanic, Ms. Fix It, Decorator, Clutter Buster, ....... ,and lately I have had to make some heavy decisions that could, may and will alter other human being's lives. Decisions I am sick about having to make but never the less I am the one where the decision(s) have fallen to me and I have to make them. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I hear this accusing little voice saying "your playing "god" with these lives ..... yet .... I have been placed in a position where I have been given, designated, and required to make these heart wrenching decisions, despite my unwillingness to make them.
      Without disclosing any information that could breach protocol ..... as an apartment manager there are rules and regulations I am required to follow, uphold and enforce. Eviction is one of those rules I cringe and feel so awful when I have to make the call to evict someone. Being honest here ..... Yep there are some who a HUGH SIGH of RELIEF is heaved when some tenant's move ....... but on a whole it is still a very difficult thing for me.  ...... Then add "home" where we have taken in a family of 5 which has turned to 6 much to my protests and objections. I feel like a worm, and a horrid person for saying NO! ......
       Our Family of 5 ..... has a 17 year old girl with us now .... she belongs to the Momma of this group. ...... When Social Services placed her in her mother's custody several weeks ago .... I had told the mother NO!! ..... we can't do this!! BUT in the complicated mess it is .... the mother brought her in anyway .... and has been clinging to this child major big time every since. I felt maybe we would try with an open mind for 2 weeks ...... 
      The 2 weeks are about up. ..... I personally really like this girl. BUT ..... I am hearing more then seeing some side effects ...... The 3 & 4 year old are saying things they shouldn't be saying .... the 13 year old says it is from the 17 year old ..... I can't prove any different. Daddy (Mr.S) is stressed out ..... way beyond what he should be because he now has a 6th person to support ..... (she smokes and has some court fines to pay) and he's paying for them, for her ...... There will be "chaos to pay" after this all comes to a head .... which it will shortly in a few days ...... I am wondering where I will be mentally in the fall out of all this? Who will I be when this is all said and done?

Those Extra Distance People ....

    I use to look at people who went beyond for others that extra distance, who gave all for one, who seemed extraordinary in their actions and reactions as "SAINTS" ...... then to have them screw up and fall off their pedestal ..... As I am traveling this journey with my Family of 5 and now 6 WHO I CALL MY BLESSINGS OF 5 (AND NOW WE HAVE ADDED A 6TH CHILD TO THE MIX ..... ) I am learning to walk, crawl & climb VERY SLOW through this labyrinth and maze of sharp turns, steep grades and sheer cliff mountain sides. I am learning that to do this I MUST HAVE A GUIDE! my choice of guide is the HOLY SPIRIT! ......
    Last night I became aware that Mr. S who rumors have had it, is not using indiscretion when it comes to friends .... especially the female kind. And there was and is rumors and sadly a lot of facts of certain rendezvouses with a certain lady of ill repute ..... and I will leave it at that ....... I am not happy with him!! This morning I was still not feeling kindly towards him. I had ordered a phone for him on our cell phone family plan and he is using my vehicle for the weekend for his job ..... AND ..... I have ask our church to help him fix his vehicle, because I have no one else to turn to. So it's not no one is trying to help him .......
     I was to say the least blistering with heated words to pour out all over him!  ...... ANGRY, UNMERCIFUL, UNKIND WORDS!!!  ...... I paced the house trying to busy myself to work off some anger for what he is doing to his family and the horrid choices he is making ....... When I heard the Holy Spirit say "NOW!" ..... i simply said OK! ..... walked into their room and ask if anyone was hungry .... and if anyone wanted some waffles .... I had no idea what I was going to say I just obeyed and opened the door ..... Mr. S wanted waffles! I went to the kitchen and started to make him some. I felt more then heard overpowering love pour over me for this "adopted son" of mine. I called hm to come and get them .... I had buttered them and put syrup on them for him, I ask that he sit at the table and eat ..... and we were going to have a "little chat" I sat down at the table ...... no idea what to say ..... except I knew I needed to say it in love ...... Here is what the Holy Spirit laid on my heart.  I told him I did not fix those waffles for him because of anything special he did, said or any special actions he chose ..... I did it simply because I love him because he is my son!  Like wise God sent His son to die for our sins .... not because we were anything special, not because we did anything to deserve it ...... just because He loves us as we are. Just because God loves us with all our imperfections. Further more God loves Mr. S despite all his bad choices and imperfections  ..... I made him aware I am WELL AWARE OF HIS INDISCRETIONS!!  ...... 
     Was I being a "Saint?" NO!! what I did was be obedient and listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit as He lead me in this tough situation. .... Am I human? will I make mistakes?  absolutely! Will others judge me for my mistakes? You can count on it! ..... One of the issues with placing others on  pedestals it takes a lot of work to lift them up there, then it takes constant watching to see if they fall off.
Don't place others on pedestals ..... place them in your prayers instead. They sometimes need it more when they have to deal with difficult situations.

The Poor are Always with Us

   The frequent bombardment of "upsets" combined with my job factor is beginning to wear on me. I come back to the "race" factor .... I prefer to "SPRINT" ...... but I have been placed in a "MARATHON" ...... yesterday required a lot of prayer ..... that consisted of mainly one word "HELP!!!" ..... I am so thankful that  God heard me ..... because my reactions to the mess that was presented me last evening even amazed me .... it would NOT HAVE BEEN MY CHOICE if I had been thinking ..... After the retort from Ms. D about Pixie going into the hospital to see Missy L and Miss K's dad ( see post: re: "Little Lies ...... )
    #1) I went back to my office and stayed for about a 1/2 hour. Then I came out and offered to take
          Bubby who is 3 into my office to watch .... he was asleep in his car seat. Carried him in car seat
          and all ..... HEAVY ..... but I did it. I let her go to hospital alone in case she needed to stay there
          with girls .....
#2) She arrived back about 8PM .... The babies hadn't ate yet ..... Ms. D started rambling on about the
       mess in the kitchen ..... and needing to fix supper when she got home.  I decided to take them all
       to McDonalds for a quick bite to eat. Despite her treatment of me earlier I did not mention or bring
       up her actions!
At this point their caseworker is involved in this particular situation ..... I had called her and spoken to her about Ms D's actions at the time they occured ..... she ask me to please hold together until the next day ..... which is today and we would have a meeting.  
      I am looking into the future ..... I can not and do not want to think on where they will be a year from now .... Without outside intervention pushing them and containing them into a course of action, they will be exactly nowhere! ...... That is where they have been for 5 years now ...... and sadly that is where Mr. S has been for 25 years ..... extensive drug use ( pot was his choice) has robbed him of all motivation. Now due to Social Services intervention and drug testing neither him nor Ms. D can partake of it! ........
     The Poor will always be with us ..... These people are not only poor finanically, but almost depleted mentally, emotionally,  in the "good choice making department". Can they truly be salvaged? Ms. D came out of a relationship with Miss K and Missy L's father (these girls were raised in this atmosphere ..... ) his drug useage and mentality cost his mother her life ..... ! sucked dry by years of inconsiderate actions, no job no motivation except the next round of drugs and where to get them and how ..... open drug usage by the man who is only 42 and now dying.  Ms. D hasn't gone too far from this type of living ...... Mr.S has sunk pretty close to this mentality himself. Except I know where he came from and
I still have a glimmer of hope! ...... and Ms. D on her better days is fighting and struggling to pull herself up and out of the mentality ..... she is making it by nanoinches and centimeter's ...... I still have HOPE! Then I see the future of the 3 kids who live here and see HOPE for them with intervention and direction. Yet the pathway is steep at best and full of "Suddenly's and Unexpected moments, dangers and stressful situations ...... my strength and determination are not my own ..... my own left long ago !!

Little Lies, Twisted Truths and a Labyrinth

      Little lies and twisted truths seem to be the way to temporarily handle a lot of situations .... Sometimes people may feel justified when they "let slip" casual uncensored conversations ..... when they are stressed, when they are angry, when they are feeling less then kind .... when they think they can rattle someone, hurt someone, or just plain don't care. But the real truth is, every lie that is laid down as the "truth" becomes the foundation for more lies to be built on. A lie is like laying a foundation of crooked bricks, soon you have the "Leaning Tower of Twisted Truths" The taller it gets the more it leans until sooner or later some poor unsuspecting soul has it fall on them. ..... For the hearers it is a Labyrinth of twisted hedges and switch back paths that must be negotiated and traveled on .... Never knowing which way is for real or a false lead. Some paths may lead to nowhere except making you look like and utter fool, other paths are strewn with sharp edged tongues of hate and malice that reach out to destroy unsuspecting hearts that are in their pathway. Then there is those paths where pits of doom and gloom await the innocent traveler to fall into a trap of those who feel Lies and Twisted Truths are Ok to roll off their lips ..........
     A child who has been raised to believe someone is their "Daddy or Mommy" only to find out they really aren't when Mommy and Daddy's relationship fall apart.  Another child is told "the boogie man" will get you or wait until "So & So gets you they will "hurt you" (when in fact "So & So" is the most kindest loving person they know") another twisted truth is " If you don't stop I'll break your arm or your leg or your neck .... " "Hello out there is anyone listening?" Does anyone care? ......
     My Family of 5 has very impromptu become a family of 6 despite my admonition to Ms. D "NOT TO ACCEPT CUSTODY OF HER 17 YR OLD DAUGHTER!" ...... Daughter, lived with her Dad.
Dad is totally bedridden and as of today @ 6:50PM may not live through tomorrow ....... he is 42 years old!  ..... Before you judge me ...... This "woman child" is bipolar and has lived at my home in the past and caused all kinds of havoc with her choice of words ....  while she lived there with her mom Ms D. ( and yes I have forgiven her BUT .... I can not and do not want any more drama then I already have to deal with daily now as it is ) .... her 13 year old sister who currently lives with us, is manic depressive, has Explosive Anger syndrome, AND IS ALSO BIPOLAR .... Not to mention Ms. D who is bipolar, manic depressive, and very possible schizophrenic ( in therapy for a diagnosis currently I am told ...... Hummmm??? )  ( long family history in Ms. D's family of  schizophrenia ..... her Mom, aunts and some of her siblings) ...... I have some major concerns!!!  These 3 females are or HAVE BEEN all in counseling and therapy BUT ..... it is not a calm peaceful place 80% of the time. UNLESS I HIBERNATE IN THE COMPUTER ROOM.  
     HERE IS THEIR DAD SITUATION .... His mom died a year ago this month ..... he mourned her, crawled into bed and never got out!! ...... Bedsores developed, turned into a serious infection, he lost some major body parts is now paralyzed from the loss and the wounds never healed!!  ...... 
     The 13 and 17 year old are dealing with some serious issues ..... I can't change for them! ...... Little Lies and Twisted Truths have laid a foundation for the "Leaning Tower of Doom" that is going to come crashing down on them. Ms. D often can't deal with the truth and says things ........ that are well ......  not the truth to her kids ...... Specifically just about an hour ago .... she pulled in with my vehicle ..... I ask her where the girls were ..... referring to the "Missy L" the 13 yr old, the 17 year old who I will call "Miss K" AND Pixie who is 4. (Pixie belongs to my "kid") Ms. D informed me very sarcastically in tone the "girls" were visiting THEIR FATHER!!!!  ..... I "stupidly said "Pixie too?" Whew !!! the sparks flew, she informed me that PIXIE WAS HER CHILD AND SHE WOULD MAKE THAT DECISION!!! ...... I told her I felt it was a WRONG DECISION TO ALLOW PIXIE TO GO IN WITH THE OLDER GIRLS TO SEE THEIR FATHER .... !!!  ..........

Struggles and Suddenly's

      I picked the title "And Suddenly" for my blog because rarely does anything happen totally as planned. For every plan I make and try to follow through on, there are a "million" minuscule suddenly's waiting around every corner. I have a hubby who is involved in search & rescue; one group is strictly connected with Emergency Services, thus he can be called out for traffic accident's where they need help with traffic or crowd control, or natural disasters where they get to actually do search and rescue. Then he is involved with a search dog team where he can be called away to do searches with his dog & the team. Our life is often full of plans and those "suddenly's that get in our way ........ Then add our "Family of 5" or as I try to refer to them as our "Blessing of 5" who all have emotional wounds and scars and baggage that they carry around with them and at any given moment one of them can explode, implode, get frustrated, angry, over excited depressed and just blow up over what is seemingly nothing worth blowing up over in my mind.
    I use to get upset with my Dad and his sister, they were the most unemotional laid back unassuming people ..... nothing seemed to rattle them, and if it did they just seemed to let it roll off their back like water off a ducks back. I hated their calm ..... BUT SUDDENLY I am now walking in their shoes of unemotional and fairly calm. I think age helps ....although I still do have a few moments where I get volcanic ash all over everyone. Today I think, some of the calm is attributed to, too drained to get emotional! Long weekend. Our 13yr old who i am going to call Missy L  came bounding out to my vehicle Friday evening when I arrived home. It was 8PM .... I was exhausted, physically and mentally!
She wanted to ask me a question ...... I held up my hand in a STOP sign hand signal and ask her to give me a 1/2 hour.  She went into a total explosive melt down which ultimated in her running away again.
Her Mom called the police ..... again. shortly after the police arrived a neighbor from down the road pulled in and informed us she was at their house. ....... Saturday was much calmer ..... Then this morning (Sunday) @ 4AM ... Ms D and Mr SL decided to go to town ...... and fishing !!?? ..... I slept in late and was up by 8AM they were not here yet. By 9AM no one had arrived ..... @ 9:15AM the police pull in ..... and my heart goes into my throat. ..... they just had paperwork for Ms D, her 17 year old was recently removed from the father's custody and placed in a juvenile detention center. They were just notifying the mother. To make a long story short they arrived home about noon ..... they had fell asleep in the truck.  I was not happy and had to bite my tongue and PRAY!! ... and pray I did. For calmness, for wisdom, and for the right words that were not ANGRY, but kind, caring and instructive.
      Anger accompolishes nothing but creating words that hurt, belittle and make the other person often go on the defensive. Power packed words can reprimand with love, caring and a positive influence.

The Turtle and the Rabbit

    One thing I have learned from the turtle is they are ... V E R Y .... S L O W ..... , yet they are determined and consistent. They carry their own dwelling with them at all times. They stop often and retreat. ... And some of them get ran over on the road. I see them as having a "Do or Die" mentality. They lay their eggs then leave them to fend for themselves @ birth.  On the other hand a Rabbit can run fast, but can also die of heart failure from fright. They make a lot of noise when captured, they can bite, but ultimately have no other defenses. I like the turtle.
    There use to be a TV show on called The Carol Burnett Show, I loved that show ..... especially when her and Tim Conway did "the old couple" ..... I would crack up with Tim, shuffling along with his wobbly cane ..... Ya, know?!  .... he's not so funny any more ..... I shuffle a lot, mostly in the morning when I wake up and my body is still protesting the action of crawling out of bed. Then sometimes after I have had some heavy manual labor to do .... afterwards I sit down and "seize - up" ... then I shuffle a bit .... starting up is like a model A Ford starting up.
      I have always been a "sprinter" start fast, run like crazy get "r" gone ..... I would say I am not a sprinter any longer, but I am not sure if i am exactly a marathon runner either. That's why I like "The Turtle & the Rabbit story" ..... I race now a day more like the turtle.
       The most difficult issues with being older, is my memory ..... Sprinting got you to the finish line with your ideas, ideals and motives still in tact and you could process them thoughts and start the next sprint in your life.  ...... The disadvantages of "Turtle Racing" is you may start out with "WHY" your doing what your doing and an hour later wake up from a snooze and totally forget the "WHY" of your adventure and just proceed with what ever happens next.  ..... It can be a fairly stress free avenue to travel down as long as you remember to not stress over what you have forgotten .... that is if you remember that YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO STRESS OVER ......   I have decided that I am not going to stress over what i can't remember, and what I can remember I have determined that given a short time I can chalk it up to "FORGOTTEN" anyway so then it falls into "not stressing over what you have forgotten" category. Life is SWEET!!!

"Safe haven" for animals & people

   Headed to work yesterday morning and found a small dog / puppy that had been dropped. It appears to be a Rat Terrier. I had Ms. D with me & kids, Ms. D got out and picked it up. ... It was love at first sight! ..... He received a bath, food and a soft bed, and my "Family of 5" named him Tesla. On my way home last night there were 4 tiny kittens about 5 to 6 weeks old in the road. I live out in the country and often people drop their animals on our road. I stopped and rescued 2 and a car behind me took two. This morning our local chapter of "ANIMAL SUPPORT"  stopped by and took the two kittens. Happy endings for 5 helpless fur babies. Sadly every year thousands more don't have make it to a happy ending because of irresponsible humans who find it easier to misuse, torture and abandon these helpless creatures then do what is right and spay or neuter their animals or find them a place where it is safe.!
     Sometimes when you are a compassionate person it can be a challenge in it's self to maintain your sanity in a world that sometimes seems to have gone crazy. Every day I am confronted with NEEDS.
For those of you who believe in God, have you ever thought about how God feels watching this human race He created, and the messes us humans create, cause and suffer with? Not counting the animals we allow to suffer and be misused that He also created? I spent years wearing myself out physically and mentally trying to be there for everyone and as many animals as possible. One day I read a statement that said "STOP TRYING TO PLAY GOD!" .... it spoke to me .... it rattled me a bit, but I realized that's exactly what I was trying to do without even thinking about it. Running around trying to fixed everyone and everything and make it all better. Do I have a solution to being like this? NOPE! ..... I do spend a lot more time bringing a lot more of all the needs I am aware of to God and leaving them there ..... and I also find at times myself taking some of them back and trying to "get over helpful" again. ......For those who don't have my belief system , .... WELL ..... your on your own .... good luck and may the force be with you!
     I have found if I take care of myself, tune into my own physical, mental and emotional capacities and abilities and LISTEN to the Holy Spirit my stress level is A LOT LESS! ..... All the issues and situations in life that can cause us to shake, rattle and roll in the emotional department works better with an internal "shock absorber" installed. I like to call the Holy Spirit by lots of names & descriptions. Again I know some folks don't have this particular belief system but I do, and that's Ok ..... My own personal take on this awesome being / presence is that because I chose to ask God for forgiveness for my sins (that's doing what is wrong even when I know what is right) and simply accept what Jesus did on the cross for me, the Holy Spirit has come to dwell in me. Nothing more nothing less. He is my coping mechanism that triggers inner peace, a calm in the midst of a raging storm, my anchor when all life is raging uncontrolled about me. and someone to talk to that I trust when I am lonely and unsure of everything and everyone.
      

Tough Love and Conqueoring Memory Lane

    Tough love is NOT sometime I like to practice, use or apply or be applied to me! ..... BUT ...... sometimes it is the only solution when all else has failed. Through temper tantrums .... mine and others, through stubborn pride and ulterior motives, through junk and clutter we have come. ... Actually we are wading through and it isn't quite as deep as it use to be.
     This morning at Sunday school we talked about our memories of how we view things. Especially our views on the afterlife and Heaven that have been instilled in us from small children. Our teacher is battling breast cancer that has come and gone over the last 13 years, and now has taken up residence in her bones. She also was one of the people who endeared themselves to me when I started to attend this small country church. Lots of tears today accompanied by sad & happy memories.
      When tough love meets memory lane it can look like a war zone in the emotional department. I think the hardest thing we have to do as humans is whether, we as adults or children have to decide how something is going to effect us when it comes to memories. My "Blessings of 5" Ms. D & I have been walking through some memory areas and talking about what is productive and what isn't. I also have been talking to & counseling a friend of mine on a regular basis, we also are talking about memories and what affects us and how it effects us. ("AFFECT" means to influence & "EFFECT" means: whatever is produced by a cause (or influence) ) ..... Comments parents make have long .... sometimes, eternal effects on their children.  Ms. D, Miss B and myself all have varying effects from our parents commenting on our physical features & abilities.  Ms. D battles a "slavery mentality" where she feels she has to comply with anything requested of her or she's not worthy in her own mind, Miss B feels she was always compared to a sibling and told if she didn't adhere to certain "female decorations" she was not pretty. Today she feels she is ugly and in all actuality she is gorgeously beautiful and looks like one of the super models that is famous. For myself .... I have childhood memories of being told my eyes, mouth and nose were too big for my face ..... until I discovered a clothing catalog with a little girl who resembled me and I didn't believe my mother after that. Sadly when a child calls into question a parent's truthfulness it is like a slow spreading cancer, it eventually affects every area of your thinking and life and alters your ability to trust others.  A parent's truthfulness is not something a child goes to their parent and says "you lied to me, lets discuss it." Sometimes the child is very young and doesn't even comprehend the actual lie. Sometimes it occurs in your teens and one day you realize you don't believe or trust your parent's judgements.
      Having someone else apply tough love to you is one thing but when you have to apply tough love to your memories in your own life and start conscientiously making some hard choices in your life for yourself it can become almost a 8.0 earthquake in the emotional department. For Ms D, she is having to learn to say "NO" to everyone in some areas of their every day lives, her other half, and her children. This causes lots of disturbances within our walls at times. Saying "NO" for her is like swimming against the "normal current" in her river of life. Then Miss B is having to learn to say YES to herself and no to others, which again is causng some harsh decisions on her part to be made. She has had to start taking care of herself, something she isn't use to. For me it is a trust thing ..... when you grow up with a basic distrust of others, at some point this "cancerous thinking" robs you of also trusting yourself. This mentality can cause you to do a lot of second guessing things when in reality your first instinct was correct. This also effects your relationship with God and makes listening to your heart when He speaks to you a very difficult journey. It also has effected my ability to listen to myself when I need to make some good judgement calls in the area of getting rid of my teasures and junk. The good news is we are all wading through these emotional waters and are supporting each other to go on, and we are making progress!

Just doing what you have to .....

         I sit here this morning @ 9:37 AM. I have already been to town and picked up parts for the "boy's brakes. "the boy is "Mr. S" ..... Last year in September Mr. S had a job abut 30 miles away and was riding with an older man who constantly fell asleep at the wheel. Not only Mr. S rode with him but  a woman who is a sister to a mentally challenged man I help take care of.  Her name is Shirley.  Shirley and I talk frequently anyway and she voiced her fears of this man having a bad crash with her and "Mr. S" in the vehicle.
       They all worked 3rd shift. Mr.S didn't have a vehicle and Shirley did but it wasn't road worthy to drive 30 miles one way every night.  Thus I ended up loaning my little 1995 GMC pick-up to Mr. S and I began to drive my hubby's jeep. We really didn't want to sell the GMC. We had just put a "new" motor and tranny in it to the tune of $750.00. This was just for the motor and tranny from a local junk yard. Labor was another $550.00 for install, only because family did the work. ...... Forward to today .... Mr S paid us $500.00 with his income tax return for the truck. Hubby really wanted at least $800.00. The truck is still in our name.
       Part of us are "under the weather" .... allergies combined with flu like symptoms have made today already a long looking haul. For me, I feel like my head is somewhere in the next county and feel kinda achy all over. I will need to be available to help with the truck if need be. Then add the usual household weekend cleaning and prep for Monday again and I already feel overwhelmed a bit.
      Our "resident "13" year old was informed she was to go to her "dad's" ..... she was angry about it and didn't want to go. (she went last weekend) I told her I am going to have to override her mother decision this time ...... I need her here to watch the two younger kids for us. ( It frequently falls on my shoulders on weekends despite I work all week and only see home for approx. 2to 3  hours a day outside of sleeping.) ...... This weekend I can't.
     Sometimes in life I do what I have to, don't make excuses for what I can't and tell everyone "TO JUST DEAL WITH IT!" ...... I have been counseling a friend of mine who has a "Martyr Syndrome" works two jobs @ 7 days a week, and is raising 3 kids PLUS trying to please her "other half" who is an inconsiderate, spoiled rotten oaf who thinks she should be at his every "text and call" He feels he should be able to go out drinking and she should wake up at whatever hour to go pick his sorry self up ..... I told her "do what she has to, don't make excuses for what she can't and tell everyone "TO JUST DEAL WITH IT!" ...... I saw her this morning in my rounds downtown. She truned off phone last night and slept! Someone else had to pick him up. I told her  "THAT"S THE WAY TO GO!!" ..... she felt proud of herself!  ...... Sometimes a person has to stand up for themselves, put their foot down and just say NO for their own health and sanity.  

When your inner child arises ....

     Some years ago the phrase "INNER CHILD" became a catch all word  for those things that we experienced as a child. Some things were minor, some major and some quite traumatic, dramatic or tragic that shaped us, made us who we have become and sadly sometimes have hindered us in our journey in and through adulthood.
      Every experience we remember often evolves as we mature, sometimes it evolves from a mole hill to a mountain and sometimes as time passes it shrinks from a mountain to a mole hill. Then there are those memories that seem as alive today as they did years ago .... for some of us those years can be 10, 20, 30 or 50 years ago. Some memories are etched in our minds like it happened yesterday. They affect us every waking moment, some subconsciously and some consciously ..... I am pushing the 50 year mark with some of my memories, These memories are from a child who was maybe 7 or 8 years old. They were etched in my brain by a child who was feeling hurt and angry. These memories still affect me. .............
       I hate doing dishes! ..... These memories I am about to share are from 50 some years ago, did they actually happen? Yes, but please remember, they are a child's memories. My mother was very critical where it came to dishes. There was her way and that was it. The very positive side is I am now a stickler about my dishes too (when I do them) . The NEGATIVE SIDE ..... is I hate doing them and it has resulted in a less then clean kitchen for the majority of my adulthood. I can go to someone else's place and do them and love it ..... but my own home? .... UGH!!  This is my story .... I had very few playmates, my Dad was the village trash collector, meter reader, and repair guy for what went wrong with the village water works and other various things that were his responsibility. So when I had someone to play with it was a monumental thing in my life. I had made friends with two children, a brother and a sister who lived several blokes away. On the day this memory was formed, developed and made, I had dishes to do.  I wanted to play with these two kids so my mother called their mother and arrangements were made for them to come and play for ONE HOUR! ...... What took place is; the dishes I did do were put back in the sink for me to redo because they didn't meet with her approval. ..... When the two kids arrived they had to sit and watch me do dishes, FOR THE WHOLE HOUR! ...... I stood at the sink and they sat at the kitchen table. WHAT AN ETCHING!! ..... as a child, I felt WRONGED. It followed me for years ...... my inability to do dishes at home. If I could have taken my dishes to the neighbors house and washed them, it would have been a much easier hill to climb.
     Forward to present, my hubby purchased a dishwasher for me for my 50th birthday HALLELUJAH!!! 
and now my "Blessings of 5" live with us and "Ms. D" has taken over the kitchen duties. Dishes presently are a choice for me. Inside of all this I have been dealing with "letting go" of them immature emotions that are triggered when I am confronted with dishes. It is not as easy as it may seem but it is possible.
     I wish this was the only emotions and incident that I am dealing with as an adult from my INNER CHILD but a bit sadly it's not ..... then again on a very positive note these things have produced a very independent, well rounded, fairly happy individual with a very practical outlook on life.

Eating Crow & Some Apologies

   Eating crow ..... an expression used when your humbly shown how self centered you are. Bringing in a faimly of 5 can bring out the worst and best of me. Yesterday's blog was a reality check ..... This blog was designed to follow myself through this experience despite how hard sometimes it will get or seem.
   The last couple of weeks have been very hard. Today it was like God had enough of my temper tantrums. So He gently paddled my backsides with the truth of where I was and what I was doing.
#1) I am NOT in a Sprint but I am in a Marathon! Sprint's aren't for endurance racing, They are for speed. A Marathon is for endurance, to train the body and mind to overcome obstacles and to work together for the good of the race. I do good with fast speedy situations that are done and over with quickly. This particular Marathon I am in now is to train my mind and body to ignore "SELF" and stop wanting my own way all the time.
#2) "Ms. D" accused me of "LISTS" ... who me? NEVER!! ..... Yep .... I had a "LIST" going and I was on a self righteous roll! ...... Lists are good, don't get me wrong, but for the sake of sanity please let these poor people get accustomed to the first list I handed them. I gave them this list just a month ago. They have 50% of the list down fairly good ... yet i kept bombarding them with more "Do's and Don't".
#3) The Electric plug in strip that was all unhooked came to light .... "Mr. S" had a cup of coffee spilled all over the plug in ..... Bubby threw a ball and knocked it over, so Daddy scrambled to unhook it and clean it up.

     Had to apologize to "Ms. D" for my unkind behavior tonight ..... and I had to apologize for the "LISTS OF ALL THE DO's & DON'T's" I have been coming up with for all of them. Left church tonight with resolve to get "R" done  .... arrived home and got cold feet. Finally @ 10:00PM I told her I needed to talk to her ...... I told her I needed to apologize, she was right about the lists and I was being selfish acting. ...... I still have one more apology to go to "Mr. S" when he gets home.  I went to his work Friday night and complained to him to ......and placed a heavier burden on him to carry around all evening. I know he was about in tears when I left. I felt sorry for him but drove off feeling "self-righteous and right" ....... whew I can get ugly!!!  

     Attending church & evening bible study for me is sometimes a trip to the "Healing Ward" for sinners. It's like group therapy only it's free. It's like going to Confession, only everyone else is there in the same room doing the same.

    When you question your sanity and endurance, you know your getting on shaky ground in this journey with this family. Last night I have begun to question my ability to "run this marathon" with this family I have graciously allowed to share my home. I actually had to get in my vehicle and leave my own home  last night because "Ms. D" had gotten so FOUL!!!  I am seaching for some solid ground to stand ON HERE GOD ... AND I NEED HELP!
    We have done this co-sharing our home before with this family, .... several times. Only once was one of their exits on good terms. But they had only came to stay for a maximum of 6 to 8 weeks We made it close to 8 weeks when they found a place to move to.  This time as usual ..... Miss "D" and her inability to cope with "normal expectations" has hit the fan ...... combined with my inability to cope with a certain level of what i will term "base gross living conditions" and THIS IS MY HOME ..... Years ago when I was in my 40's I could work all week and still whip this house into shape on a weekend with one arm tied behind my back.  NOW??!! I feel blessed when I can clean one room in a week. .... and my house has 10 rooms. NOW .... SIGH .... I have 5 people here when Hubby and I are gone (school just started so it is now 4 people ) Messing &  fiddling ( I specifically mentioned this .... last night I come home to find the "Electric plug in strip missing that every light in the Living room and Stove room plug into to .... this was an adult!!) , getting into things, leaving things where they don't belong, not picking up after their selves, I feel helpless and not sure how to convey to them I NEED HELP!! and their way of "Drop and let drop where it is living" can not co-exist here with ME!
    On July 18th I had posted some things I expected of this family .....  Lets revisit today August 17th where we are ......
#1 POTTY CHAIR KEPT EMPTIED ON A REGULAR BASIS ..... Doing much better! Even the 3 and 4 year old are emptying it. I did have to ask the other day .... Hubby went to use the bathroom and it had been left "used" and was smelling up the bathroom, .... sigh ....  still warm summer weather and a hot bathroom with no air flow can take on a life of it's own in the smell department.
 #2 Wet, Damp clothes, towels, anything cloth and yes any clothes, towels or cloth that has water on it HUNG UP TO DRY ….  NOT THROWN IN LAUNDRY BASKETS .....  About a week ago I finally got tired of constantly reminding them to NOT THROW wet or damp stuff in laundry basket in bathroom, and to hang up damp towels. I removed the laundry basket and ask if the clothes just get put in the laundry room. 
         ☛☛☛ "Ms. Mama D" is accusing me of "SHE IS SICK OF MY ""F- in" LISTS !!! 
 #3 Dirty dishes removed from DINING table when DONE EATING ….  We are still batting about 50% of the time here ..... I'm not home 5 days a week so based on when I am home it is about only half the time. 
#4 ALL goo, goop, food stuff …. etc wiped off table when DONE EATING!  and table cleaned up ..   We are at only about 10% of the time here without me asking to have it cleaned off ...... sitting down at my dining room table has become a sticky gooey affair most the time. Doing something normal like coming home and sitting down to look at the mail or read a newspaper at the table has stopped entirely.
#5 All food that is put in refrig MUST BE IN A COVERED CONTAINER, BAGGIE etc ….. Good job! I'd say we are at 95% of the time. 
 #6 All prepared food taken care of after eating ….. It is not to be left out over night ….. I do not want any excuses why I have to get up in the morning and try and get coffee & breakfast around pans of food!  This is also not too bad ..... We are running at about 25% of the time i am hunting for counter space ...... They are "NIGHT PEOPLE" and we are "DAY" people. I am trying to help them to understand that when you go to bed @ 4 or 5 AM .... PLEASE make sure all you food prep, dishes and fixings are taken care of. I get up @ 5AM and want to fix coffee without battling dishes ..
#7 All good glass coffee mugs are to be left in the house & backyard sitting area ……. second hand shops carry travel mugs cheap for garage & traveling! This is "MR. Dad SL's" totally and he is batting about a 10% ..... I have had one of my good coffee cups busted cause he left it on his vehicle and drove off, I have found them on the lawn, in the garage  and everywhere in between. ! Solution is to remove my good coffee mugs ..... 
 #8 I do not feel it is unreasonable to expect ALL MOVIES to be replaced in their own covers after they are watched!  ….. AND put back on the shelf instead of piled high in entertainment center  Nope not here either ..... but I removed a lot of our movies and boxed them up ..... so the left out movies are less now ..... sigh!! Solution would be to padlock our Entertainment Center !!
#9 I do not feel it is unreasonable to expect to be able to get up in the morning and be able to make coffee and fixed breakfast in a fairly cleaned up kitchen. 15 minutes can do miracles in there!!  ( we have a small galley kitchen) I will give this a 75% of the time .... "Ms. Mama D".... is keeping it done but I'm not sure it's with cheerfulness ...... NO ..... it is probably not! but it's getting done. 
#10 I do not feel it is unreasonable to expect ALL toys  to be cleaned out of tub after the kids bath. I'll give this about a 90% to .... Good job! 
              Some of the other things I have ask is or as "Ms. Mama D" calls it the "F-in Lists" 
...... #1) "Ms D" has been on a foul language kick FOR ABOUT 2 WEKS NOW ..... with bad unkind and hateful words to express herself to everyone including the 3 and 4 year old!! Her favorite is the "F" word ...... spewing it out in a constant stream when something triggers her, which lately is everything! I have ask she not use that word, I find it very gross!" #2) Water jugs ....  I have ask that when drawing hot water to the kitchen that they use our empty gallon jugs to draw off water in ..... Our hot water heater is in the back of the house and takes close to one gallon to get hot water to the kitchen. We use to jugs of water to transport water to our animal water containers.(Me and Hubby have been doing this for years) It is a win win situation and we don't waste water which we pay for by the gallon. "Ms.D" informed me she hasn't been, which is obvious because there are no water jugs with anything in them. She says she is doing the dishes in cold water. EXCEPT the dish washer automatically senses cold and kicks on the "WATER HEATER"  SIGH!! ...... #3) I installed a bar over my sink long ago to hang up wet dish clothes. I ask that they be RINSED OUT AND HUNG up after use. ... not happening ...... I find them regularly around the kitchen area waded up and in the sink soaked with debris and nasty. (I just take them tothe laundry room)  ..... #4) I occasionally have a container with burnables in it ..... I specifically told everyone the BROWN CAN was burnable stuff so don't put "garbage in it" (it also sat outside the kitchen area in our "Wood stove Room"they had to walk into the Wood Stove Room to put the garbage in here ....  and we have a trash can in the kitchen hummmm?? ) ..... SIGH!! ...... kind of getting the feeling it is being done on PURPOSE??? I found non-burnable stuff including coffee grounds with filter piled on top of the burnables Hummmm?? I told them they were cleaning it out! OK so this may be ☛☛☛ Request #5 ☚☚☚ ...... and yes they did after about 4 or 5 requests were made over 3 or 4 days. #6) ....... SIGH!!! yep I do have a list ..... there is a stand by the doorway from the Livingroom to the Stove Room, it has become the "sitting area" for cups, bottles - some empty some partially full, soda cans, dishes etc. and there they plie up until I ask them to clean them up ..... (THIS DOESN'T INCLUDE ALL THE OTHER empty or partially drank cans, cups and bottles sitting around the house ...... )

Chaos and Blessing

     My Blessings of 5 ... and the chaos that frequently happens is such a contrast, that sometimes it makes my mind want to recoil into another realm. Our "new teen" has been having episodes of "meltdowns" on a more and more frequent basis.  Tonight another trigger yet. She had been on a slow "roll" since I had come home. By 8PM it came full circle. Her, her mom and the babies were in her mom's bedroom. "Mom would give an instruction to one of the babies and "Miss Teen" would immediately give the the baby an opposite or start yelling at the child.  Frequently she has been becoming more and more physical with them.. This is where I became involved. Our home is an old double wide mobile home. The wall between the computer room (use to be a bedroom) and their bedroom is only a piece of paneling. The people who use to live here at one time had the two rooms into one large room. I had just heard Mom tell Pixie to sit down and watch TV, then Miss Teen began to scream at Pixie telling her to get out of the room and that GRANDMA WAS YELLING FOR HER ..... she repeated it twice ..... Then I became involved ..... I went to the bedroom door and told her it was wrong to lie to Pixie. "Miss Teen" and myself have had this same exact conversation too many times in the past over lying to the babies. Miss Pixie went ballistic with screaming and a full blown tirade.
        At one point Miss Teen who goes about 170 pounds was hovering over Pixie who is 4 and is very tiny with her fist drawn screaming and ready to hit .... I had to get inbetween this situation ..... not something I like to do on my night off.  Mom was outside cooling off after she snapped and needed some space. I did the only thing I know how to do ..... I called the sheriff's office and ask them to send an officer here.  Officer "C" arrived .... he was on duty the last time we needed intervention with Miss Teen. There were no adults in the household who can adaquately handle this big bullying angry  child. Mom has a disability that affects her balance, I am recovering from a pinched nerve and a almost useless left arm, and hubby has a heart issue that doesn't allow him get involved period @ this point we protect the babies!
      Triggers that tigger things .... a family of dysfunctionalism, Mom & Dad are in a line of 2nd and 3rd generation issues ..... the kids are generation 3 or 4. Can you stop a river? Can you stop a tornado?  Can you stop this chain of events that send these people into chain reactions?  Sadly almost predictable reactions. The Mom says horrible unkind things out of frustartion and anger and reacts in an opposite manner of a normal reaction. The Teen reacts with venom, hostilities, and unkind words and turns to the babies, with horrible words ..... then the mom says more horrible unkind words ...... repeat repeat repeat .......
     Dysfunctionalism ..... what is it? It is unable to react, act or respond in a normal responsible manner in a stressful situation, it is a warped misalignment of normal senses, it is often a chemical imbalance from generations of chemical intake, drug abuse, or genetics that have gone haywire. It is generation after generation of abuse and habitual unkind acts and words placed in a persons brain.
     Love can stop this chain of events BUT .... only if someone is willing to place them selves in the position as a battering cage for this dysfunctional family to safely bounce off from until they can safely heal to a point of normal functions, thought patterns and behavior. Then just love them ..... sometimes love has to be done through tough love and hard decisions. This is the most difficult part of LOVE!
   

         Spontaneity .... and suddenly ...... is a basic description of my one side of my life. The other side loves order, likes to be at least 15 minutes early to anything, and is verging on OCD ( that's where you become a fanatic about a place for everything thing and every thing in it's place. ) for those who aren't sure what OCD is.  ...... OK I have to share ...... sorry family or friends if this offends you ....... I moved here from New York State to the beautiful country of Kentucky some years ago.  As we made plans to leave I was "ribbed, joked with and picked on about moving to the "hillbilly part of the country" .... I believe too many people were into the "Beverly Hillbillies" Then the more unkind words began in jest ..... about "inbred" .... that's where secretly I was a bit chaffed ..... My parents knew of each other from birth ...... My Mom's mom and my Dad's dad were cousins. So all said and done I am related to myself.  Actually I am my own 5th or 6th cousin. Therefore I have a legal right to have at least a double personality!  I haven't always liked the idea that there is this "other person" lurking around in me somewhere ..... but at some point "we" have come to realize that "we" need to co-exist and get along! ...... OK ..... now that that tidbit is exposed I will go on ....... LOL!!! ...... Actually a couple of generations ago from my generation it was quite normal to marry a distant cousin or relative.
      Living with my Blessings of 5 has brought major conflict to "myself and myself" ..... Some days where the fall out from toddler clutter, dysfunctional adults and now a teenager gets to me I am trying to keep under wraps my temper ........ some days it explodes out of my mouth like a shook up bottle of vinegar and baking soda, a firecracker under a tin can, a VOLCANO erupting!  ...... then add to this a "spoiled hubby" who I adore and probably wait on way too much and pick up after just because I do ... and dogs who love to carry teddy bears and pillows all over where they don't belong and one "pup/dog" named Abby who occasionally still tears apart things that have stuffing ...... WHEW!! ...... it can get ugly fast. ......... OK ....... another share moment ...... I am a hoarder ..... SIGH!! not a "only a pathway through the house" type hoarder  but more the "wall to wall furniture, books, memento's from my past, grandkids toy's My adult kids moved and left thier furniture behind" type stuff. I grew up in a comfortable wall to wall furniture type home. Where there were treasures around every corner. Here at my house, add almost 20 years in the same home, 5 extra people with their stuff now ..... and it doesn't take much to look .... SIGH .... like a mess! That's when the OCD would like to take over .....
      BUT the truth of the matter is ...... before my "Blessings of 5" arrived the OCD wasn't as strong. Matter of fact the "Hoarder" was pretty much in a state of very comfortable and quite content to "just be" ..... no rush, no pressing adgendas to clean it up, no urges to get rid of stuff ..... just a laid back I like it like it is mentality ....... It's so amazing how when we don't have to confront the other side of ourselves it makes life so much easier ..... But ..... sometimes i believe that God knows we need to change, sometimes a wee bit and sometimes a lot ..... in my case I THINK HE HAS SOME MAJOR CHNAGES IN MIND!

      The smallest things often trip us up quicker then the bigger things ..... still mulling over in my mind why do I want to continually fall into the "I believe you trap?" Yes it is important to want to believe someone, but when you have been burnt SO MANY TIMES ..... repeatedly from the same person and you keep going back again and again ...... and try it all over .... what does it say about yourself? ...... How do you view yourself after trying not a few times, not a few hundred times but multiple times over 10 plus years to believe someone you love, and they keep doing one thing consistent, lying!?  Some of the lies were small ones granted but never the less they were a lie. Some were outright ask to be held inside "me' and not say anything ..... again ..... here I was now a "partaker" in this person's lie, yet they wanted me to "not say anything!" Sadly this has been a habit not only with me but with others .......
     How do you cope with someone you love, someone you want to trust and believe more then anything yet they lie when they don't even have to? Then they trap you into silence by asking you to keep their little lies private? ......

STILL TRYING TO WORK THROUGH THIS ......

     I don't believe I have gotten any further now this many years down the road then I did when I first realized they were a habitual prevaricator. (thought I'd toss in a "big" word ...) it just sounds nicer then the more common word that it means ........ 

   

        I recently saw a saying about "Building Bridges" ...... sadly for those of us who sincerely want to build a bridge is the reality that sometimes those we want to build a bridge to, doesn't want the BRIDGE BUILT to them! They continually sabotage the bridge you build so it appears to be you who has the faulty bridge. They lay dynamite lies so small and tiny that they may not seem to matter but as each one is laid and explodes when the truth is applied to it, it errodes the solid foundation you have tried to build the bridge on. A lie no matter how small can cause damage. Sometimes the truth has to be "IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS" or " it's not for your ears.  Sometimes bluntness has to be applied and sometimes we just need to keep quiet because the truth could do more damage then help! Yet we do not tell a lie either to candy coat the truth! ....... You just keep silence ..... 

     What if the truth will do more damage and you say " I don't know!" and you do ..... what if the answer is no and you say "maybe?" How are these situations handled? ...... "Let me think about it" can be one response, or  "Yes I do know, but it is nothing we are going to discuss at this time!" or "Right at this moment I can not talk about it!" ....... 

     The best laid plans ...... of man can totally get smushed to "smitter-reens" in a single moment ..... one of those "I am very tired, and I ache all over and I've had a bad day in general ..... wrong person at the wrong moment walks across your path ..... the conversation is insignificant at this point .... but ..... it was an "OPEN MOUTH & INSERT FOOT" moment .... I knew when I walked away I had made a mistake ...... Not that what I said was necessarily wrong, or that I was wrong completely in my view on what had taken place .... specifically it was my version and it is what i believe to be correct so all said and done ..... this was the situation that was commented on to another person .....
       Let it be a non-family member and it probably won't carry the same repercussions as making "off the cuff" comments about another family member in my family circle, to someone who is attached to their family circle. BUT I DID !!! ...... sigh ..... I had started to pride myself on being able to hold my tongue, control my thoughts, control what comes out of my mouth ...... but alas .... the saying goes "Pride goes before a fall" .... OK  OK ... so how do you get this "not saying something or for that matter anything", to someone without feeling good about yourself and keeping your mouth shut?
      I had made it almost for 3 months .... and this particular situation that loomed in the recesses of my memory box in my brain ..... was fairly locked down and what I felt was under wraps. Why does being wore down and tired with aches and pains have to be the precursor to prying the lid off, spewing words, and allowing the steam that had built in this particular memory box to escape anyway?
    Some times family can build up walls so thick and and so tall that you feel you can't talk to them no matter what, and sometimes these same family members have not always been honest, and have done things to place walls of distrust between them and me. .... It is these walls I have a difficult time climbing over or even tearing down.
      It was the recent incident where I was (and again this is my take on the matter) conned into borrowing money for someone else. Particularly this was connected to my Blessings of 5 .... who now live with me ....... I was trying to find someone to help get money around to spring "D" from being incarcerated over the domestic altercation. I had found someone willing to donate all of the amount but it would mean one more day for "D" before she could get out. When my family member called insisting a member of their family was giving us ALL the money, they did not want her to spend one more day locked up! So I went immediately to the county jail and began the process which takes several hours ...... When it came closer to the time I had to have the money delivered to me for the jail .... I recieved a phone call from "my family member" OopS! their family member had made a mistake and realized they had one more car payment left ..... and couldn't give me the money ..... SAY WHAT???  I had already gone and began the process and "D" more then likely now knew she was getting out!  (she had already spent 3 days in there) .....then the family member said "just go write a check out at the pawn shop and my family will pay the check off at the first of the month, you can make payments to them .... !! ..... I abhored doing this and it was totally against all my principles ..... yet stupid mistake #1 I went BELIEVING THEY WERE TELLING THE TRUTH!  ...... what entailed was I was not allowed to contact this "family member" of "my family member" to confirm anything .... HuuuMMMM???
     This person who was supposedly going to help with this $$$ was an OFF LIMITS >>> DO NOT CONTACT .... DO NOT TALK TO .... from  May 15th to July 22nd or 23rd this was the length of time I was made to hold the $$$ bag that had been created! Finally when after a month and a half of being made a fool of I went and borrowed the money at the bank ..... you see I have great credit and could have done this originally ...... but ..... stupid is as stupid does and I allowed a lie to make me stupid!  Then I was so ashamed I had bought into the LIE I made some lame excuse to the bank why I needed the money and felt like a schmuck for doing so ...... Several days after I paid off the check at the pawn brokers ..... the people who "supposedly was going to foot the bill" called me screaming into the phone how I'd better pay them the money back immediately ...... shockers of shockers .... NOT!! .... I had begun to smell a rat in my midst prior to this phone call! ....... Then it was several days trying to figure out "WHERE DID THE $$$ GO THAT WAS SUPPOSEDLY BORROWED TO HELP GET "D" OUT" ???
     This was the situation I was still trying to NOT STEW OVER that come pouring out of my mouth when a "family member" connected to "My family member" crossed paths with me ...... They simply ask if I had seen them ...... I said no, not for a while except for when I GAVE them some $$$ to buy school supplies for their child ....... then I opened mouth and inserted foot WHY I DIDN"T SEE THEM ANYMORE THEN THAT ONE TIME ........ and the rest of the story came pouring out .....

       You have to ask the correct question to get the right answer! ...... I frequently run into people who need help .... help with processing through issues, problems, and plethora of other things that sometimes require us asking questions. .... Have you ever been given a series of questions that barely make sense to you? ...... and you'd like to rewrite the questions so they are more in line with "why you think your answering them"? In my job I daily answer multiple questions from a multitude of people. Some of the questions i am ask is directions or the "location" where we are ...... Recently someone from out of our area called and wanted to know where we were located, I had observed the area code from who knows where and the Caller ID said it was a cell phone, I ask if they were familiar with our area ..... a simple question on my part ...... My son acquired a cell phone when he lived out of state, they still have kept the same number .... so now a days you really never know where someone is physically ..... The caller became a bit defensive and answered "NO!" ..... I began to explain we are within a short reasonable distance from our interstate .... I was planning on giving them directions and they became upset and hung up! ..... I sat and thought on the questions we ask and the answers we give ..... How often have you became involved in a "contest" of words simply because your question or answer was misunderstood? ......... Something to think on!
       I have often been ask when I help others out ... "How did you do that?" (after I have been able to help them resolve their issues or problems by simply asking a few well asked questions) My Dad use to tell me you already have the "NO" answer unless you ask questions ...... So when I talk to people first off I am not intimidated, because if I don't ask I already have the "NO" answer anyway ..... So I frequently approach a situation planning on a "NO" so anything better then "NO" is good. It makes a difference with my voice inflections and my responses to sometimes less then pleasant interactions with others. Secondly I have learned to never BEG! ..... When I go into a "question" to retrieve an answer I only ask once. If I perceive it is not correctly understood I try another question that could possibly obtain similar results. Begging makes you sound desperate and often causes your voice to whine ......
And thirdly Accept the answer the other party gives you, ..... asking for an explanation if the answer is "NO" is OK. It is not wrong to want an explanation. But approach it without "Whine" and talk intelligently and make sure you thank the person for their honesty and input despite their answer.

       My apologies ....... I wish I could post everyday ..... but the truth is I don't always have the time or access to a computer to post.  This evening will be a short one ..... up until 2:30AM this morning, slept for a spell then back up at 6:30 for work ..... I originally went to bed at 9:30PM, the dog needed to go out so I went to take the dog out back and Shawn & Dee were out back and informed me our new "13" year old ..... had decided to "run away" at 11:00PM ...... (We had a birthday here this past weekend. ) Teenagers! ...... to be quite frank this has been a repeat issue lately ..... our "girl" don't handle anything without an emotional melt down. We had told her if she did it again we'd call the police ..... and we did!  They picked her up and brought her home ...... about wears the strength right out of you. ......
      What is good parenting? ...... Sometimes it is making those very difficult hard decisions to involve outside help when a child endangers them self with poor choices.  Each of us handle these difficult choices in different ways according to how strong our emotional fibers are.  Only time will resolve this entangled set of emotions in this child.
      On the lighter side of things ..... I had to rescue the cat from our Akita Abby, she was in process of tearing into the cat because the cat invaded her food territory ..... this all happened after 11:30PM ..... I zigged when I should have zagged and I would have made the Rockettes proud with my moves ! I had poor Dee and Shawn in stitches laughing ..... Dee commented on the hip moves I did ..... Shawn liked the "dance" after I was able to catch my breathe ....I realized i must have jerked some out of alignment parts back into shape ..... I actually felt great! ...... but today my muscles are feeling the gyrations!
        A very wise statement was made to me some years ago by one of my bosses ..... they said "you need to figure out how many "fish" you can fry at one time in your frying pan of life." I realized that my "fish count" was approximately 3 at a time. "Fish" refers to situations, circumstances or happenings that involve "you". Things that inevitably you will have to make some sort of decision about in the course of time. I don't take on mentally anymore then three things at any given time. Once in a while something unexpected comes about and someone throws an extra "FISH" in your pan ...... it becomes one of the "Suddenly's" ..... I would love to come up with an acronym to go with "FISH" but for tonight I am not putting that "fish" in my frying pan of life ..... it can wait ! LOL
      A proud moment ..... our search dog was nominated for an AKC award for 2013 ..... she recieved a medal in the mail and a letter of recognition of Honorable Mention.

     Chocolate cake for breakfast ..... uummm good! ... It has eggs and milk, and C H O C O L A T E which is very good for you! So why not? ..... Sometimes you have to throw the rule book out about what's for breakfast. I also like pancakes, eggs and sausage for supper sometimes or as some call it dinner ..... Ok enough about food ......
      What I need to explore is the "different kinds" of "LOVE" I ran into a friend of mine at the store, her and her husband just had their second child. She was telling me how the baby has attached to it's daddy and cries if she "holds" it .... she was laughing because their first child did the same thing ...... At first I was "say what??" ..... but as I thought about it, it made perfect sense ..... her husband is a lot older then her with some serious health issues ..... he is limited on what he can do. He can hold is babies, and care for them ..... Each day he is alive is a gift to them. By her allowing the children to bond with their Daddy she is giving them the greatest gift she knows how. I really don't think this is a thought out plan of hers, but and unselfish act of love for her husband. She is a "workhorse" and a farm girl. When she was a little girl, she use to tell her "hubby" (which obviously he wasn't at the time he was in his late 20's and she was 7 or 8)  that she was going to marry him someday, so he'd better wait for her.  He didn't plan on waiting and was amused by her sweet little requests ...... but fate had other plans, when she turned 18 and he wasn't attached she pursued and won his heart. They may be very poor in material things but wealthy beyond imagination in love.
      Our family of 5 ..... it is a tumultuous emotional thing between him and her ..... they both have come into the relationship with many emotional scars and wounds, some self inflicted and some from others. Often it is a "love you with all my heart -and I hate you because I love you so much" affair.
Words that wound, words that heal, words the are playful, words that are careless, run their gambit every month according to the "moon" between them. Their plight is the glue that holds them together.
     What is this love that exists between two human beings that draws them together yet can drive them apart? ....... another young couple I know ..... he refuses to acknowledge their relationship that they have been in for almost a year. She worships the ground he walks on, he can't commit, and she is committed. If she gives up on him he comes running to her, she has children, they love him too, cause he treats their mommy good. Yet he is like a scared rabbit caught in the headlights, and not sure what he wants ..... he's often in a state of frightened to wits end! ...... yet she loves him and he loves her.
    My own relationship ..... my Hubby is my best friend!  ..... yep ... we squabble, and disagree frequently ..... we are as different as day and night. Like two ships one a cruise ship and the other a cargo ship, rarely in the same port. But when the going gets tough we stick together like glue. ...... Well sometimes I have to "duct tape" him to me until he agrees with me ...... LOL  ..... not really .... honesty is the best course of action. It's just learning when to open my mouth with the honesty that is the trick!
    Older couples both need room to move about without feeling claustrophobic in their relationship. A good relationship allows this movement on both parts ...... not "unfaithful" movements but the ability to morph in to creatures that are comfortable with each other and enjoy each other's company but also realize and respect the need for each other's space to be in place.

       We live in a small corner of the world .... Our existence is based on what we see, hear, taste, smell and feel. Often we only see or hear a small portion of the "real story" that is unfolding around us each and every day. We go to sleep in the Spring with brown branches and awaken to green buds on the trees, Or in the Fall we go to sleep with autumn leaves stirring in the wind and arise to a white world covered in snow. We hear snippets of stories, and see glimpses of others actions, on this we often base decisions and feelings ..... How small and inadequate we often feel in our assumptions of what we see & hear. It is inside this way of thinking that I have had to accept the need of someone greater, who can see and who knows everything, who watches over my world when I sleep. I must believe in the existence of God. Then I must believe He is good, and not just because of my own personal best interests but the sum whole of all that is around me.
      I have become dependent upon our relationship, God's and mine! ..... but more so I have become dependent upon being on a first name basis with Him. He calls me Terry I call Him Jesus. I am dependent upon His truth to help guide me through times and seasons when I am not sure what the real truth of the matter really is ...... My emotions and heart often betray me. I easily want to believe and see the good in others ..... but sometimes that gets really complicated ...... Today alone I have had my senses, my hearing and my eyes seeing and hearing things that have sent me mentally in circles ...... who do you believe? I am so thankful; I can depend upon that Someone Greater who really knows the truth to help me wade through this vast sea of information.
      Life is never dull in my corner of the world! My Blessings of 5 are reeling a sea of half truths and unknowns tonight ..... and I don't know the answers either ...... the atmosphere and corner of the world they existed in prior to "Suddenly" arriving at my door step has come colliding back into their world. ...... Is the real truth that it never left? Were "they" here and one of them still choose to dangle a foot or a toe in this other realm where they were? Do we have a traitor in our midst? Who has chosen to dance with the enemy? ........ This world where they did exist was filled with violence, drugs and lies ..... (this statement is based on words spoken from the mouths of my Blessings of 5 family, and others who know the realm they were in ........ ) I guess I am reeling because I do not understand the pull that holds people's minds captive in this kind of lifestyle. ...... All I have tonight is prayer as some call it, for me it is just simply communicating with God my feelings, my emotions, my heart and how I feel. .... and believing that He has it all covered and will handle this matter in His time and in His way.
     My heart is screaming for justice for those that are innocent! ..... sometimes painful things happen inside of good things coming about. My prayer tonight is for God's will to be done in this matter because in my human-ness I want to flog the offender, string them up and beat the fire out of them for thinking they can "dance with the enemy" and not get burnt! How dare they place innocent children in the way of danger! ..... But God knows and I have to believe He will provide!
   

         Evening July 28th 2013 ...... Sometimes when your feeling "good" you forget that sometimes it's not a bad idea to share happy moments too.  Little things that tickle you, "Pixie" as i fondly named her and her brother we all call Bubby, were riding their little bikes up and down the driveway. Pixie got off and wanted Bubby to "chase her" with his bike. He obliged and she ran ..... and can she run! ..... she almost looks like she's flying when she runs ..... he's chasing her on his bike and she's running and giggling the whole time ...... Finally Bubby is getting wore out .... she runs by weeks him on the back, giggles and runs away again ..... and the chase is on ....
     Bubby collects a pile of grass Poppy cut earlier on a Frisbee and brings it to me an tells me it's pizza ...... the dog Abby grabs a mouthful of grass and runs with it ..... Bubby throws the grass up in the air and it all lands on his head.
     Earlier the kids heard people talking down the hill from where we live ..... Pixie tells her mom that "elves" are talking to her and Bubby. ...... She already has her brother believing that the big tree in our yard has a magic door that opens with a "special key" she has. Bubby is still trying to find the door.
     I am so blessed to have the privilege of my grand babies being here. They bring such joy and wonderment I had almost forgot what it is like to have a small child's imagination. 

       Some more of our story ..... My grand babies daddy arrived at my home years ago ..... on a blistery cold early spring day ..... it was freezing rain out and windy, and a knock came at our door, a shivering youngun with a scrawny girl stood at my door ..... They needed somewhere to get into out of the cold rain. I let them in ..... He was 16 and she was 15, they had been living in an abandon house up the road from us ....... I took them in ..... he stayed she went back home, he moved out and from then on he was in and out of our lives .... that was 23-1/2  years ago. This time when he came "home" I told him they are staying for good! ..... no matter how hard it gets, no matter how difficult it may seem at times, this was it! ..... we are going to make it .... all 7 of us. ........ I have two wonderful biological children who I love dearly ..... My hubby and I weren't able to have any children. Shortly after we were married I had to have an emergency hysterectomy .... he helped raise my two and he has been a wonderful dad in every sense to my kids.