From Kids to Animals ..... Love, no matter if it is for a human child, or a 4 footed furry "baby" can be an intense, heart warming, gut wrenching endeavor and undertaking. It is a commitment with one's heart to love and to nurture and to let go when one has too .......
Today is December 28th 2014 ....... It has been a year of learning to "LET GO" and deal with a "PLETHORA of EMOTIONS" ...... on many fronts in many ways ........
I am going just start writing and go where my fingers lead over this keyboard ..... I am going to vsit some of the intense times and feelings that have came and went, and are still here ...........
By the end of October 2014 I had let go of both kids, Pixie to her Daddy and Bubby to his Mommy. My daughter had returned from being gone for 3-1/2 years with her Bassett hound Homer, and her "Chaweenie" that's a Toy Chihuahua and a Toy Dachshund mix named Darla or as we called her Dar-Dar and her 5 - one week old puppies and their daddy was Toy Chihuahua ( he didn't come with them) .... so we had 5 tiny ones. We added her managerie to ours of 4 dogs, 2 kittens, and 4 cats.
Hubby went into surgery on November 4th and was in the hospital for 2 weeks ..... During that time ..... the transmission began to die on our 2004 Chevy pick-up the last couple of days I had to travel to the hospital 50 miles away. ........ On a cold Sunday afternoon I went to retrieve him from the hospital ...... was within a couple of miles and SIGH ..... the tranny decided to do some "strange things" ........ made it to the hospital, retrieved hubby, headed home ..... decided to go the "back way" home if possible. Made it about 10 miles from the hospital and broke down completely! Thank God for shopping plazas and stores ..... especially those wheelchairs ..... loaded Hubby up and we spent the next hour waiting on family to come get us.
The following day SNOW!! ICE!! NASTY!! ....... I had to venture out and meet the tow truck driver to hand over the truck keys so he could go get the pick up. ........ Truck went to the garage ..... $1600.00 and a few days later we had a new transmission installed ..... God bless our bank and all the people who work there. ......... Before we were able to get the truck out of the garage .... my little ole jeep decided to do some breaking down it's self too ..... over heated on the way to work and I had to get that towed into the garage ......the casing (Thermostat Housing) that went to the thermostat was cracked and had to be replaced. ...... Truly a lot simpler and cheaper then a transmission. .............
There are times in your life when SUDDENLY BAD THINGS happen ...... and you think and move more from automation then anything else. ........ It is during these times you find out what your made of ...... that is ..... what have you been "feeding on mentally" during the easier times in your life??!!" .......... A bear feeds on food that will help build fat to store for winter hibernation ..... likewise it is vital that a human "feed" mentally on things that will build up, encourage, and hold you over during these rough times in your life.
Prayer and a good grasp on God's Word is where I find "Mental Food" that gives me positive endurance and encouragement for tough times.
Forward ...... to Thanksgiving time 2014 ...... Bubby's Mommy went back to live with her husband ..... who she was still married to, even after living 5 years with Pixie & Bubby's daddy. They came to visit and spend Thanksgiving with her father in law who had recently moved from a nursing home into his own place. (he'd been there for a leg removal & rehab for a year) They didn't have their own transportation and had to rely on someone going in that direction. ..... They arrived Thanksgiving morning ...... by Sunday they realized they had a problem .... no one to take them back home ....... The following week it became apparent that the person who brought them had no intentions of taking them back ...... by December 4th they had been informed their electric had been shut off where they were living, and by December 10th someone had ransacked their place and the Landlord had shut it down ...... All said and done ...... I had Bubby back in my life big time !!! ........ so I see him a lot ......
On December 1st Oscar, the puppy my daughter was keeping became ill and we took it to the vets ..... NOT PARVO! On December 5th ..... Darla, and two more puppies became ill ...... we assumed it wasn't Parvo again ........ But was wrong ..... by the morning of December 8th two puppies had died and I had to take Darla to the vets ....... she had Parvo and was in serious condition .... they couldn't save her ...... My daughter was a mess!! and I had to come home and bury two puppies and their mama. ........
More highly charged emotional times ...... NUMB is the best way I can describe how I felt during these days .....I didn't think, I tried to not feel, and mostly lived from moment to moment on automation. In between all this ..... was tragedy, heart break & mind numbing things going on around us. ......... a few weeks prior to my daughter coming back I was @ my sons on a Saturday and we recieved a call their stepbrother had taken his own life ..... I'd know this kid since he was little and had been friends with his mom for years, (she had been my ex-husband's 2nd wife) .....well we were still absorbing this news the phone rang again and eventually found out a neighbor of mine had passed away unexpectedly, the family went to my church ....... Day after day it seemed more sad, events began to unfold in peoples lives around me ..... Then my 52 year old cousin died unexpectedly she had battled health issues but this was still unexpected!! ....... She called my Mom every day so this was a GREAT LOSS to my Mom. ...... more emotionally charged events ......
These are the times, no matter how religious you are, no matter how upbeat or positive you may try and lead your life. no matter how much of a person of prayer you are ...... WHEN YOU HIT THE AUTOMATION BUTTON because your mind and emotions have hit over the capacity load you can carry, you often become reduced to a numb, walking piece of humanity who has set all functions on autopilot. ....... there is no magic formula, no answers to your questions ....... just one mind numbing moment after another ..... IT IS BEFORE ALL THIS HAPPENS THAT IT IS IMPORTANT TO BUILD YOUR FOUNDATION, ESTABLISH THAT PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, LAY UP SOME SOLID EMOTIONAL GROUND, AND PRACTICE WHAT YOU BELIEVE. BECAUSE ....... the day and time will come in everyones life when all hell breaks loose and you will need your sturdy foundation and your unshakeable ground to stand on! ........ well the earth is shaking around you and everything seems to be falling away ....... when all you have left is YOUR PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH God ......
Sunday, December 28, 2014
And Suddenly ...... CLOSURES and OPENINGS Saga #2
June 15th 2014 ....... I am calling this Saga #2 .... the number TWO is signifigant in this case ..... on June 2nd sometime in the morning before 10AM I recieved a call from the caseworker Lyn who has been the one helping the family that was involved in "saga #1" ....... these are the one's I had ask to leave my home ... a Mr. SL, Ms "D" and their family. Ok ...... back to my phone call ...... Casework Lyn ask me if I wanted the "babies"? ...... she also ask me to take Missy L .... to that I said no, but YES to the babies! ....... Well today is Day 13 of having a 4 yr old and a 5 yr old (11 months apart) to care for 24/7 ...... I had said repeatedly over the last 5 years since Pixie was born then Bubby that if I got rid of the parents they would e a cinch to raise!. ..........
August 17th 2014 ....... Yep it's taken two & 1/2 months to now come to the point and say ...... some things have changed! ........ I can say without a doubt these two babies are a hands down incredible bundle you can't help but love with your whole heart! ....... But to raise ..... they are not a "cinch" whatever that old fashion saying denotes. We are talking two children with emotional mood disorders.
The 5 yr old, Pixie as I call her has classic bi-polar mood swings. She can be laughing hysterically one minute and be screaming bad words and breathing threats the next over the same thing she was laughing about 5 minutes ago. .... Tell her "NO" and the drama begins ..... several deep inhaled breaths and her face contorts and her mouth opens and the screaming begins ..... the longest run was about 1-1/2 hours of non-stop screaming bad words, threats of violence and more screaming.
When I first got her it was sometimes 3 to 5 episodes a day now were down to 2 to 3 episodes a week.
In defense of her ..... she is delightfully whimsical and funny, with a wonderful sense of humor, and intellegent beyond her 5 years by 20 ...... She loves to help and "doesn't like to be told "no" which can lead to being called a meany head now ..... she wants to control everything around her. When she feels out of control we see her quickly descend into her version of out of control .... thus the intense screaming.
December 28th 2014 ..... Dear dear dear ....where has the time gone ...... As I read these two statements above .... little did I know I would be here writing this ..... yet ... deep down I think I knew this was coming ....... from August to mid September life was a roller coaster. Trying to keep up with my job, school events for the kids, doctor appointments, and transporting them to see parents who were living in less then desirable conditions. ........ In September we tried to integrate the mother semi- back into our lives ....... where she stayed with us 5 days during the week and went back to her friends on weekends ......
HUBBY STUFF ..... This all came about when I learned my hubby had been covertly seeing his DOCTOR ..... his condition was worsening and surgery began to loom into the future without anyway out this time!! here were some of the equations ......
#1 ... He would be out of work indefinitely = NO INCOME. ...
#2) ... He would need someone here with him for a time after he came home from the hospital.
#3) I had to work!! ...... plus figure out how I was going to be with him for a few days after surgery.
#4) WHO WAS GOING TO HELP ME WITH THE KIDS???
THE KIDS ..... BUBBY WAS NOW HAVING EMOTIONAL ISSUES ..... SIGH!! Rage, RAGE, and more rage ...... if I said "UP" he did "down" If I said "down" he did "UP" a lot of total oppositional defiant behaviors started to be displayed ..... We resorted to meds ..... they worked temporarily .... for a few weeks then before we could get back into the doctors they began again ..... It was a continual nightmare that seemed to never end. Kindergarten was doing some amazing things for Pixie ..... she started to grow up emotionally before my eyes ..... one answered prayer.
The MOMMY .... "D" ..... was working out fine ..... Bubby & Pixie were doing good with Mommy here ..... then on a Sunday night I went to pick up "D" only to find her DRUNKER then drunk! ....... DEFIANT, AGGRESSIVE and OUT OF CONTROL ..... I took her back to her friends place and told her to sober up, I'd get her in the morning ...... SIGH ..... she began to call my phone and threaten me in her drunken stupor ...... when I shut off my phone ..... she called my hubby's ..... AND THREATENED HIM! ..... SIGH!! he listened to it the following morning ...... not good, not good at all!!! ........ He laid the law down ..... "D" was never allowed back in our home again!! and now her kids had to go!! ........ He had had enough of the whole mess. ......... my heart was breaking !! into a million pieces. ........... I had to let my babies go and I had to abide by my hubby's orders. ..............
ME ..... The emotions I had to deal with were not pretty, I felt like I was being torn in a billion directions and my heart was breaking into tiny unrepairable pieces. The weight and burden I carried on my shoulders for days was mind numbing ..... as I looked @ these two "babies" and knew I had to place them into circumstances that were not the best place for them. ........ decisions, decisions, decisions ..... minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day ..... the weight of this situation bore down like a giant mountain of universal proportions. Prayer .... and lots of calls to heavenward for HELP!!! was all I could do. .........
CLOSURE ...... kind of ..... Sometime between September & October 2014 ..... Mr. SL married his girlfriend ...... and moved in with his mother in law. ...... Pixie was a Daddy's girl and started to stay with Daddy & her new step-mommy a lot. ...... then we started the permanent move of Pixie with her Daddy. ........ One day Bubby and myself ran into "D" at the store ..... Bubby was very excited to see Mommy, from then on all I heard was " want my Mommy"..... So as time moved forward I made arrangements with Mr. SL to transport Bubby to his Mommy ..... where ever she was ......
Surgery was set for November 3rd ....... Two weeks prior to surgery my daughter who lived out of state called and said she was moving back home. ANSWERED PRAYER ......
The moving of the two kids only made the empty house seem too quiet ..... lots of tears, lots of broken hearted feelings ..... LOTS OF EMOTIONS TO WORK THROUGH ....... it was like loosing your own kids ......... Then my daughter arrived in tow was her 2 dogs and 5 - one week old puppies.
AND SUDDENLY ...... ANOTHER CHAPTER BEGINS!
August 17th 2014 ....... Yep it's taken two & 1/2 months to now come to the point and say ...... some things have changed! ........ I can say without a doubt these two babies are a hands down incredible bundle you can't help but love with your whole heart! ....... But to raise ..... they are not a "cinch" whatever that old fashion saying denotes. We are talking two children with emotional mood disorders.
The 5 yr old, Pixie as I call her has classic bi-polar mood swings. She can be laughing hysterically one minute and be screaming bad words and breathing threats the next over the same thing she was laughing about 5 minutes ago. .... Tell her "NO" and the drama begins ..... several deep inhaled breaths and her face contorts and her mouth opens and the screaming begins ..... the longest run was about 1-1/2 hours of non-stop screaming bad words, threats of violence and more screaming.
When I first got her it was sometimes 3 to 5 episodes a day now were down to 2 to 3 episodes a week.
In defense of her ..... she is delightfully whimsical and funny, with a wonderful sense of humor, and intellegent beyond her 5 years by 20 ...... She loves to help and "doesn't like to be told "no" which can lead to being called a meany head now ..... she wants to control everything around her. When she feels out of control we see her quickly descend into her version of out of control .... thus the intense screaming.
December 28th 2014 ..... Dear dear dear ....where has the time gone ...... As I read these two statements above .... little did I know I would be here writing this ..... yet ... deep down I think I knew this was coming ....... from August to mid September life was a roller coaster. Trying to keep up with my job, school events for the kids, doctor appointments, and transporting them to see parents who were living in less then desirable conditions. ........ In September we tried to integrate the mother semi- back into our lives ....... where she stayed with us 5 days during the week and went back to her friends on weekends ......
HUBBY STUFF ..... This all came about when I learned my hubby had been covertly seeing his DOCTOR ..... his condition was worsening and surgery began to loom into the future without anyway out this time!! here were some of the equations ......
#1 ... He would be out of work indefinitely = NO INCOME. ...
#2) ... He would need someone here with him for a time after he came home from the hospital.
#3) I had to work!! ...... plus figure out how I was going to be with him for a few days after surgery.
#4) WHO WAS GOING TO HELP ME WITH THE KIDS???
THE KIDS ..... BUBBY WAS NOW HAVING EMOTIONAL ISSUES ..... SIGH!! Rage, RAGE, and more rage ...... if I said "UP" he did "down" If I said "down" he did "UP" a lot of total oppositional defiant behaviors started to be displayed ..... We resorted to meds ..... they worked temporarily .... for a few weeks then before we could get back into the doctors they began again ..... It was a continual nightmare that seemed to never end. Kindergarten was doing some amazing things for Pixie ..... she started to grow up emotionally before my eyes ..... one answered prayer.
The MOMMY .... "D" ..... was working out fine ..... Bubby & Pixie were doing good with Mommy here ..... then on a Sunday night I went to pick up "D" only to find her DRUNKER then drunk! ....... DEFIANT, AGGRESSIVE and OUT OF CONTROL ..... I took her back to her friends place and told her to sober up, I'd get her in the morning ...... SIGH ..... she began to call my phone and threaten me in her drunken stupor ...... when I shut off my phone ..... she called my hubby's ..... AND THREATENED HIM! ..... SIGH!! he listened to it the following morning ...... not good, not good at all!!! ........ He laid the law down ..... "D" was never allowed back in our home again!! and now her kids had to go!! ........ He had had enough of the whole mess. ......... my heart was breaking !! into a million pieces. ........... I had to let my babies go and I had to abide by my hubby's orders. ..............
ME ..... The emotions I had to deal with were not pretty, I felt like I was being torn in a billion directions and my heart was breaking into tiny unrepairable pieces. The weight and burden I carried on my shoulders for days was mind numbing ..... as I looked @ these two "babies" and knew I had to place them into circumstances that were not the best place for them. ........ decisions, decisions, decisions ..... minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day ..... the weight of this situation bore down like a giant mountain of universal proportions. Prayer .... and lots of calls to heavenward for HELP!!! was all I could do. .........
CLOSURE ...... kind of ..... Sometime between September & October 2014 ..... Mr. SL married his girlfriend ...... and moved in with his mother in law. ...... Pixie was a Daddy's girl and started to stay with Daddy & her new step-mommy a lot. ...... then we started the permanent move of Pixie with her Daddy. ........ One day Bubby and myself ran into "D" at the store ..... Bubby was very excited to see Mommy, from then on all I heard was " want my Mommy"..... So as time moved forward I made arrangements with Mr. SL to transport Bubby to his Mommy ..... where ever she was ......
Surgery was set for November 3rd ....... Two weeks prior to surgery my daughter who lived out of state called and said she was moving back home. ANSWERED PRAYER ......
The moving of the two kids only made the empty house seem too quiet ..... lots of tears, lots of broken hearted feelings ..... LOTS OF EMOTIONS TO WORK THROUGH ....... it was like loosing your own kids ......... Then my daughter arrived in tow was her 2 dogs and 5 - one week old puppies.
AND SUDDENLY ...... ANOTHER CHAPTER BEGINS!
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Some kinds of FORGIVENESS takes longer to heal!
I am a firm believer in FORGIVENESS ...... I also am a firm believer in TRUTH! ......and sometimes truth and forgiveness clash.
John 20:23 (The Voice)
You now have the mantle of God’s forgiveness. As you go, you are able to share the life-giving power to forgive sins, or to withhold forgiveness.
Mark 11:26 (The Voice)
[ If you don’t forgive others, don’t expect God’s forgiveness.]
Some powerful words .... revelation ...... and expectations ...... I have learned that to be honest with God Himself is the best truth you can practice. ........ I have had some VERY DIFFICULT issues, circumstances and people to forgive that I have struggled with. ...... Some of these issues have been a continual journey over mountainous terrain and into deep valleys of darkness and despair. ...... I use to think ..... (I call it my stinkin thinkin" ) that if I pretended to forgive them and hid these feelings of inadequacy to forgive under the covers of my "fake happy emotions" that somehow and at some point the feeling of "forgiveness" would happen. ........ THIS IS A LIE FROM HELL! please don't believe it! ........ Covering up unforgiveness is like leaving your favorite blanket hid in the closet all damp from your tears ...... eventually mold and mildew will destroy your blanket. ....... Exposing your blanket to sunshine and SON-LIGHT ..... will dry it up .....
I received a message recently from a sibling ...... in regards to issues surrounding the passing away of my father many years ago. ...... At that time I was very hurt and suffered pain and heartache from choices out of my hands that were made deceitfully by other family members in regards to my father.
It was mountainous terrain and deep dark valleys I traveled for a spell until I learned to hand this over to my heavenly Father in truth and down right blunt honesty ........ I am sure my choices of language through thought and verbalization were not classified as typical "christian" ..... during this trying time of my journey through this grief process. Anger and grief are two powerful emotions by themselves ...... and to place them together you have dynamite & a lite match = explosions ..... the only problem is these explosions frequently don't effect the perpetrator only the victim! ......... destroyed by self implosion! .........
This message tore off the scabs & scarred tissue from this wound ........ (*** sidenote ... if you have read my past posts you will understand I have been dealing with massive amounts of issues, problems and trials over the last year. ) This message fell onto a person who was still reeling from the day before when I had to "boot" the last homeless person from my home, then spend all day dealing with a major issue at work, I don't think I would disclose too much to say the police had to be called to help resolve the issue ....I was trapped for two hours by some very angry people that the police had to remove ......... this is a normal side of my job that can occur! ........ nevertheless I still like my job a lot. FORGIVENESS ...... is sometimes a state of mind where being at peace within yourself despite the crashing waves of the raging storm around you is all you have. ....... it was here I tried to crawl this morning as I read the message ...... BUT ...... like Peter in ............
Matthew 14:28-30 The Voice
Peter: v28 Lord, if it is really You, then command me to meet You on the water.
Jesus: v29 Indeed, come. Peter stepped out of the boat onto the water and began walking toward Jesus.
v30 But when he remembered how strong the wind was, his courage caught in his throat and he began to sink.
This morning I stepped out of the boat and into the raging storm of my sibling's "message" and then my courage and resolve caught in my throat and I began to sink into the waters of unforgiveness again. The message was full of inaccuracies and half truths that caused to say the least my blood pressure to rise!!!
EIGHT YEARS of peace and what I thought was complete forgiveness and in a moment ..... a wound I thought healed was ripped opened again. TRUTH & FORGIVENESS just went head to head in my emotional department. ......... I have been reeling all day. .......... Tearing apart what occured and dissecting it and re-examining the facts and "the message" so I can deal with one thing at a time.
Have I forgiven my sibling tonight? ....... in pieces and bits of pieces ...... this time I am more mature and have learned a lot through my first journey into this abyss of deep valleys and mountainous terrain. I know more where the pitfalls are and the safer routes to take are ...... I didn't choose to travel this again ...... nevertheless I now have been forced to retravel a much despised area of my life.
LESSON: Sometimes God wants us to retravel places we have been to help us strengthen our weaker muscles of forgiveness and to forever win the race! I am going to win this one! ............
John 20:23 (The Voice)
You now have the mantle of God’s forgiveness. As you go, you are able to share the life-giving power to forgive sins, or to withhold forgiveness.
Mark 11:26 (The Voice)
[ If you don’t forgive others, don’t expect God’s forgiveness.]
Some powerful words .... revelation ...... and expectations ...... I have learned that to be honest with God Himself is the best truth you can practice. ........ I have had some VERY DIFFICULT issues, circumstances and people to forgive that I have struggled with. ...... Some of these issues have been a continual journey over mountainous terrain and into deep valleys of darkness and despair. ...... I use to think ..... (I call it my stinkin thinkin" ) that if I pretended to forgive them and hid these feelings of inadequacy to forgive under the covers of my "fake happy emotions" that somehow and at some point the feeling of "forgiveness" would happen. ........ THIS IS A LIE FROM HELL! please don't believe it! ........ Covering up unforgiveness is like leaving your favorite blanket hid in the closet all damp from your tears ...... eventually mold and mildew will destroy your blanket. ....... Exposing your blanket to sunshine and SON-LIGHT ..... will dry it up .....
I received a message recently from a sibling ...... in regards to issues surrounding the passing away of my father many years ago. ...... At that time I was very hurt and suffered pain and heartache from choices out of my hands that were made deceitfully by other family members in regards to my father.
It was mountainous terrain and deep dark valleys I traveled for a spell until I learned to hand this over to my heavenly Father in truth and down right blunt honesty ........ I am sure my choices of language through thought and verbalization were not classified as typical "christian" ..... during this trying time of my journey through this grief process. Anger and grief are two powerful emotions by themselves ...... and to place them together you have dynamite & a lite match = explosions ..... the only problem is these explosions frequently don't effect the perpetrator only the victim! ......... destroyed by self implosion! .........
This message tore off the scabs & scarred tissue from this wound ........ (*** sidenote ... if you have read my past posts you will understand I have been dealing with massive amounts of issues, problems and trials over the last year. ) This message fell onto a person who was still reeling from the day before when I had to "boot" the last homeless person from my home, then spend all day dealing with a major issue at work, I don't think I would disclose too much to say the police had to be called to help resolve the issue ....I was trapped for two hours by some very angry people that the police had to remove ......... this is a normal side of my job that can occur! ........ nevertheless I still like my job a lot. FORGIVENESS ...... is sometimes a state of mind where being at peace within yourself despite the crashing waves of the raging storm around you is all you have. ....... it was here I tried to crawl this morning as I read the message ...... BUT ...... like Peter in ............
Matthew 14:28-30 The Voice
Peter: v28 Lord, if it is really You, then command me to meet You on the water.
Jesus: v29 Indeed, come. Peter stepped out of the boat onto the water and began walking toward Jesus.
v30 But when he remembered how strong the wind was, his courage caught in his throat and he began to sink.
This morning I stepped out of the boat and into the raging storm of my sibling's "message" and then my courage and resolve caught in my throat and I began to sink into the waters of unforgiveness again. The message was full of inaccuracies and half truths that caused to say the least my blood pressure to rise!!!
EIGHT YEARS of peace and what I thought was complete forgiveness and in a moment ..... a wound I thought healed was ripped opened again. TRUTH & FORGIVENESS just went head to head in my emotional department. ......... I have been reeling all day. .......... Tearing apart what occured and dissecting it and re-examining the facts and "the message" so I can deal with one thing at a time.
Have I forgiven my sibling tonight? ....... in pieces and bits of pieces ...... this time I am more mature and have learned a lot through my first journey into this abyss of deep valleys and mountainous terrain. I know more where the pitfalls are and the safer routes to take are ...... I didn't choose to travel this again ...... nevertheless I now have been forced to retravel a much despised area of my life.
LESSON: Sometimes God wants us to retravel places we have been to help us strengthen our weaker muscles of forgiveness and to forever win the race! I am going to win this one! ............
More Endings & New Beginnings
May 7th 2014 ....... We ended the "Homeless Family" era on April 15th ..... we ended the Era of the Homeless Shelter yesterday. Our last "homeless person" left. They had been with us for 2 months ...... but you only can hide your true colors so long ..... and some are better then others ...... after a several issues and poor choices & arguements over rent & paying for their own gas to get to work ...... I had our homeless person leave ........ (they have a job so they were & are not destitute) ... I had warned them that my nerves were REAL SENSITIVE to anything at this point and I needed time to heal, I ALSO SAID NO ISSUES OR PROBLEMS AND YOU WILL HAVE A PLACE TO STAY.
They didn't apparently understand that throwing "used" condoms in the middle of the livingroom floor with 4 dogs living in the home might be considered NOT FUNNY or that me or my husband may not consider it funny ...... then they decided that I needed to change the date their rent was due ...... even though I clearly wrote it out and they signed RENT & GAS MONEY WAS DUE EVERY FRIDAY!!! ........ then they felt I was trying to cheat them ...... hhhuuummmm???
They didn't apparently understand that throwing "used" condoms in the middle of the livingroom floor with 4 dogs living in the home might be considered NOT FUNNY or that me or my husband may not consider it funny ...... then they decided that I needed to change the date their rent was due ...... even though I clearly wrote it out and they signed RENT & GAS MONEY WAS DUE EVERY FRIDAY!!! ........ then they felt I was trying to cheat them ...... hhhuuummmm???
Things have been altered to protect our privacy
April16th 2014 To: Justin XXXXX,
Rent is $35.00 a week or $140.00 per month. Rent will be calculated from Saturday to Friday (7 days)
Official Rent will Start this Friday April 18th 2014
Rent will be due on Friday's
Rent will include full use of the kitchen, laundry, bathroom & internet excluding ("movie watching" which we have already discovered …… LOL).
Rent does not include Food & personal supplies. You will need to purchase or help purchase groceries. For meals etc ….. (Personal Supplies: shampoo, Body wash or soap, shaving supplies, etc …… )
Rent does not include laundry soap, you will be expected to purchase your own laundry soap. (The dryer currently has a Bounce Bar in it which lasts 3 months so you do not have to purchase "Softener"
"Laundry Services" …… I am a "laundry person" I enjoy doing laundry. I do not mind helping keep your clothes washed, dried and folded etc …. as long as you keep them in the laundry basket.
The Cell Phone is $20.00 a month which includes unlimited talk & text. Data is an extra $10.00 per month. (I will provided you with the cell phone from April 7th to to May 7th 2014 without financial obligation to see if you want it) if you feel you do not want to keep it, it is Ok, I am aware you have your Ipad.
The jeep gets about 15 miles to the gallon in town (not interstate travel) a round trip to G.B. Park and back home is 19.8 miles. I am not charging you for the trip to work @ 1:00PM Monday thru Friday (round trip is 4 miles). Currently gas is running approx. $3.74 (normally it has been $3.85) a gallon give or take it is costing me about $5.00 a trip to town.
Monday, Thursday, & Friday = 3 trips x $5.00 = $15.00
Saturday & Sunday normally will = 4 trips x $5.00 = $20.00 (unless I am going to town on Saturday anyway then I won't charge you the trip $$. )
You started April 4th 2014 that has been 11 trips total (not counting if I was going to town anyway. $5.00 x 11 = $55.00 I have already had to put in gas to get you to work) You may make payments on this.
Weekly Rent $35.00 weekly gas to work $35.00 (and if gas goes down so will the price of the trip) = $70.00 a week currently.
Signed: ________________________________ Date: _____________
Signed: ________________________________ Date: _____________
This was the actual "contract I wrote up and he signed .... I never did get the $55.00 ...... and that brings me to this week ..... for the last two weeks he has been dragging his feet to pay rent & gas ..... constantly trying to weasle out of it. The last straw that "broke the camels back" was Monday MORNING I PULLED INTO THE GAS STATION AFTER CARTING HIM TO WORK FOR A WEEK WITHOUT MONEY AND ASK HIM TO PLEASE PUT $30.00 GAS IN ....... HE OWED ME $35.00 ...... HE PUT IN $10.00 THEN SAID HE DIDN'T FEEL HE OWED ME ANYMORE ...... SAY WHAT???? I went from feeling moody to ANGRY fast!! ....... I had just used $30.00 of my own money to take him to work for the week. THEN I FOUND OUT HE HAD PURCHASED A XBOX 360 AND GAMES ...... THATS WHY HE COULDN'T AFFORD TO PAY ME ....... SAY WHAT!!! ...............
I packed him out bag and baggage yesterday! ............. I just had the last drop of my "kindness to other's serum" used up ...... there is no more!!
LESSON LEARNED ...... #1) Don't be nice, ....... truly nice people are not appreciated #2) People who need a place to stay generally are in that situation because they are going through everyone they know and using them until they have used that person all up then they go on to the next poor sap! #3) I can say NO to people now and not feel guilty...... HALLALUJAH!!!! ...... #4) I can BE A NICE PERSON and still say NO!
#5) I really like the empty nest thing!!! #6) It's OK to say NO! #7) If they may cost you $$$$ RUN YOU POOR SAP .... RUN!!!!!
Sunday, April 27, 2014
And suddenly "The End of an Era" .....
To end this saga of my "Family of 5" that I took in last year starting May 17th thru June of 2013 simply I had to ask them to leave.
Not really as simple as "simply" ...... Not simple at all!! ...... through much complexing twisted emotions and drama, through much turmoil & heartache, through much stress and anxiety, through much prayer and tears ..... I came to the end of my rope and had to let go. Not because I didn't care but because they didn't care. (borrowed this post from my Facebook page)
In my blog called "Updates from Nov 2013 to April 2014" I shared Ms D was doing great ...... on the front side ..... BUT .... not in reality ...... the deep simmering hatred & bitterness that has drove her and continually plagues her grew greater then she could handle and exploded all over the place on April 10th. At that time I gave her 3 chances to recant her anger, her horrible statements and filthy mentality she refused and grew more aggressive and angry ...... I told her she had to be out by May 1st ..... she had Mr. SL pack her & the kids out on April 14th & 15th .... and they still left 1/2 of their stuff here and haven't been back ..... today is April 26th 2014.
It took me a week to recover from the emotional turmoil I have been through.
It took me a week to recover from the emotional turmoil I have been through.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Memories we hold dear ......
a 10 room farm house where the center of living was the large 15 x 22 kitchen that held our big family, friends and extended family that seemed to be there every Sunday for one of my Mom's delicious home cooked Sunday dinners. It is where family and friends fellowshipped around a huge old wooden table that was able to seat 12 comfortably, not just on Sunday's but anytime you stopped by to see "Mom" or "Aunt Naomi" as some called her.
This house was full of memories. This is where my siblings, kids & grandkids and my kids & grandkids, explored and spent time at grandma's house. We have all been blessed over the years to have been allowed to bring home treasures and memento's from here. Mom always felt she rather we have things before she died then to wait ....... Today there are many grateful children, grandchildren & great grandchildren who possess a piece of memory from this place in our hearts.
As I sit 750 miles away absorbing the shock still of this event that suddenly rocked our world and adjusting to this SUDDENLY that just happened, I have spent a lot of time over the past 24 hours thinking on all the memories. I think when a fire happens like this your memories turn to material things, family photo's on the wall, kinck knacks from all of us that was treasured, the large piano that graced Mom's livingroom, memories of standing around the piano and singing hymns and gospel songs. The touch lamp I gave Mom years ago and fasinated my kids as well as my neices and nephews. My son making sandwiches at mom's table out of what ever his heart desired in Grandma's kitchen .... I believe one consisted of peanut butter , black olives and who knows what else ..... I was offered a bit and declined by my then small son (who now stands 6'4" and still likes "weird food") who insisted it was really good. Visiting with my bedridden stepfather whose sense of humor remained despite being bedridden with Multiple Sclerosis, who passed from this life into the eternity at the age of 75 in 1996 surrounded by a loving family.
I am so thankful that I have taken many pictures of many memories over years inside and outside of the house .... Memories .......
We all have them ..... each of us pieces of the past imbedded in our brains like puzzle pieces. Each of us bearing different perspectives and views of our lives as it unfolded inside and outside the man made walls that held so many treasures from times past, now gone. Yet ... as I sit here I think about the blessings that were there yesterday .... God prompted my Mom to leave for my nephew's wedding earlier then she intended ..... if she had left later she possibly would have been a casuality of the fire. We all know our Mom would have tried to salvage stuff from the house if she'd been there and possibly could have lost her life doing so. She was headed to a wedding where she was surrounded by many loving family to help support her during this tragic time. At 81 she was coming to a place in her life where she needed to make some decisions to "move somewhere easier" to live. Mom had only one source of heat and it was a old old stove in the basement of the house.She accessed this from a ladder into the cellar. In the winter she made many trips during the night up and down this ladder tending to this wood stove all alone in this big old house. There was the wood that was delivered by tractor trailer load in the summer and fall months that she had to transport into the cellar by a wheel burrow then tossed through an opened window in the basement and stack inside the cellar to be kept dry. Then there was her stuff, the house was filled literally with much stuff, 50 years of "keepings" as her kids, we were not sure what or who was going to help Mom with the task of "moving" ...... The decision is now over and made. All of us, my siblings, neices , nephews and myself deeply believe God did not cause the fire but graciously through this sad turn of events blessed us and kept our precious Mom & grandma safe, and the event it's self has closed a door for us that will open a better door for our Mom to be able to move on.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
November 2013 to April 2014 Updates
It's been close to 4-1/2 months already since I blogged last. Where oh where do I begin ??? Our family has increased shrunk and increased again as we have some coming and going. We took in a homeless fellow for a spell I'll call Mr. C .... when we first took in Mr C. he pitched in and helped here and there seeing how we were having to support him 100% I felt it was the right thing for him to do. He had been "homeless" actually for years and after a October 2013 to January 2014 stay I helped him become "homeless" again .... SIGH !!some people just feel they are "ENTITLED" .... Mr. C felt he was entitled to live off other's good graces, felt he did not have to work after a bit, and felt he was not required to share other peoples food .... in other words he'd be the first in the kitchen when a meal was prepared for 8 of us and pile his plate full of grub and leave scrapping for the other 7 of us to divide up!!!! (that came to a quick end after I blew up over having a HOG in the house!) Then he'd bragged how he hadn't held a job since 1979 and by golly he was entitled to Social Security and he was going to get it!! (Mr. C was 56 years old when he left our "humble abode") Mr. C felt so great .... when he signed up for FREE HEALTH CARE and was able to go and get a full physical work-up done so he could finally convince everyone he was "unable to work!" ...... BUT .... SIGH!! poor Mr. C ..... what a horrible blow was dealt him!! All his medical tests came back and low and behold he was in better health then me or my other half or all the other adults in our household!!! He literally sat for 3 days on our couch and POUTED!!! imagine that !!! upset cause he was healthy!! That's when I had him leave to go live off someone else's good graces!
We now have a really nice young man who has come to share our place for awhile ..... he's from out of state .... actually wants a job, and is pleasant to be around ..... so far so good .....
Ok .... where ARE WE ON OUR FAMILY ..... ?? Mr. S has been playing around, and finally got caught ...... Ms. D has had a meds change and is doing awesome, Missy L has leveled out ... somewhat ..... still have a lot of issues though ..... and the "babies" are doing just fine ..... ALOT of water has ran over the dam of no return @ this time ....... I have ask Mr. S to leave by April 8th ..... For approxiately 6 to 8 weeks now he has been acting WEIRD! ..... his mistress is on heroin and due to some oddball behavior I am sorely afraid that he is too. I am hoping I am wrong ..... truly for his kids sake I desperately hope I am wrong. Ms D needs to stay strong through this whole mess so she makes good decisions!
We now have a really nice young man who has come to share our place for awhile ..... he's from out of state .... actually wants a job, and is pleasant to be around ..... so far so good .....
Ok .... where ARE WE ON OUR FAMILY ..... ?? Mr. S has been playing around, and finally got caught ...... Ms. D has had a meds change and is doing awesome, Missy L has leveled out ... somewhat ..... still have a lot of issues though ..... and the "babies" are doing just fine ..... ALOT of water has ran over the dam of no return @ this time ....... I have ask Mr. S to leave by April 8th ..... For approxiately 6 to 8 weeks now he has been acting WEIRD! ..... his mistress is on heroin and due to some oddball behavior I am sorely afraid that he is too. I am hoping I am wrong ..... truly for his kids sake I desperately hope I am wrong. Ms D needs to stay strong through this whole mess so she makes good decisions!
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