The best laid plans ...... of man can totally get smushed to "smitter-reens" in a single moment ..... one of those "I am very tired, and I ache all over and I've had a bad day in general ..... wrong person at the wrong moment walks across your path ..... the conversation is insignificant at this point .... but ..... it was an "OPEN MOUTH & INSERT FOOT" moment .... I knew when I walked away I had made a mistake ...... Not that what I said was necessarily wrong, or that I was wrong completely in my view on what had taken place .... specifically it was my version and it is what i believe to be correct so all said and done ..... this was the situation that was commented on to another person .....
       Let it be a non-family member and it probably won't carry the same repercussions as making "off the cuff" comments about another family member in my family circle, to someone who is attached to their family circle. BUT I DID !!! ...... sigh ..... I had started to pride myself on being able to hold my tongue, control my thoughts, control what comes out of my mouth ...... but alas .... the saying goes "Pride goes before a fall" .... OK  OK ... so how do you get this "not saying something or for that matter anything", to someone without feeling good about yourself and keeping your mouth shut?
      I had made it almost for 3 months .... and this particular situation that loomed in the recesses of my memory box in my brain ..... was fairly locked down and what I felt was under wraps. Why does being wore down and tired with aches and pains have to be the precursor to prying the lid off, spewing words, and allowing the steam that had built in this particular memory box to escape anyway?
    Some times family can build up walls so thick and and so tall that you feel you can't talk to them no matter what, and sometimes these same family members have not always been honest, and have done things to place walls of distrust between them and me. .... It is these walls I have a difficult time climbing over or even tearing down.
      It was the recent incident where I was (and again this is my take on the matter) conned into borrowing money for someone else. Particularly this was connected to my Blessings of 5 .... who now live with me ....... I was trying to find someone to help get money around to spring "D" from being incarcerated over the domestic altercation. I had found someone willing to donate all of the amount but it would mean one more day for "D" before she could get out. When my family member called insisting a member of their family was giving us ALL the money, they did not want her to spend one more day locked up! So I went immediately to the county jail and began the process which takes several hours ...... When it came closer to the time I had to have the money delivered to me for the jail .... I recieved a phone call from "my family member" OopS! their family member had made a mistake and realized they had one more car payment left ..... and couldn't give me the money ..... SAY WHAT???  I had already gone and began the process and "D" more then likely now knew she was getting out!  (she had already spent 3 days in there) .....then the family member said "just go write a check out at the pawn shop and my family will pay the check off at the first of the month, you can make payments to them .... !! ..... I abhored doing this and it was totally against all my principles ..... yet stupid mistake #1 I went BELIEVING THEY WERE TELLING THE TRUTH!  ...... what entailed was I was not allowed to contact this "family member" of "my family member" to confirm anything .... HuuuMMMM???
     This person who was supposedly going to help with this $$$ was an OFF LIMITS >>> DO NOT CONTACT .... DO NOT TALK TO .... from  May 15th to July 22nd or 23rd this was the length of time I was made to hold the $$$ bag that had been created! Finally when after a month and a half of being made a fool of I went and borrowed the money at the bank ..... you see I have great credit and could have done this originally ...... but ..... stupid is as stupid does and I allowed a lie to make me stupid!  Then I was so ashamed I had bought into the LIE I made some lame excuse to the bank why I needed the money and felt like a schmuck for doing so ...... Several days after I paid off the check at the pawn brokers ..... the people who "supposedly was going to foot the bill" called me screaming into the phone how I'd better pay them the money back immediately ...... shockers of shockers .... NOT!! .... I had begun to smell a rat in my midst prior to this phone call! ....... Then it was several days trying to figure out "WHERE DID THE $$$ GO THAT WAS SUPPOSEDLY BORROWED TO HELP GET "D" OUT" ???
     This was the situation I was still trying to NOT STEW OVER that come pouring out of my mouth when a "family member" connected to "My family member" crossed paths with me ...... They simply ask if I had seen them ...... I said no, not for a while except for when I GAVE them some $$$ to buy school supplies for their child ....... then I opened mouth and inserted foot WHY I DIDN"T SEE THEM ANYMORE THEN THAT ONE TIME ........ and the rest of the story came pouring out .....