Some kinds of FORGIVENESS takes longer to heal!

   I am a firm believer in FORGIVENESS ...... I also am a firm believer in TRUTH! ......and sometimes truth and forgiveness clash.
 John 20:23 (The Voice)
      You now have the mantle of God’s forgiveness. As you go, you are able to share the life-giving power to forgive sins, or to withhold forgiveness.

Mark 11:26 (The Voice)
[ If you don’t forgive others, don’t expect God’s forgiveness.]
     Some powerful words .... revelation ...... and expectations ...... I have learned that to be honest with God Himself is the best truth you can practice. ........ I have had some VERY DIFFICULT issues, circumstances and people to forgive that I have struggled with. ...... Some of these issues have been a continual journey over mountainous terrain and into deep valleys of darkness and despair. ...... I use to think ..... (I call it my stinkin thinkin" ) that if I pretended to forgive them and hid these feelings of inadequacy to forgive under the covers of my "fake happy emotions" that somehow and at some point the  feeling of "forgiveness" would happen. ........ THIS IS A LIE FROM HELL! please don't believe it! ........ Covering up unforgiveness is like leaving your favorite blanket hid in the closet all damp from your tears ...... eventually mold and mildew will destroy your blanket. ....... Exposing your blanket to sunshine and SON-LIGHT ..... will dry it up .....
     I received a message recently from a sibling ...... in regards to issues surrounding the passing away of my father many years ago. ...... At that time I was very hurt and suffered pain and heartache from choices out of my hands that were made deceitfully by other family members in regards to my father.
It was mountainous terrain and deep dark valleys I traveled for a spell until I learned to hand this over to my heavenly Father in truth and down right blunt honesty ........ I am sure my choices of language through thought and verbalization were not classified as typical "christian" ..... during this trying time of my journey through this grief process. Anger and grief are two powerful emotions by themselves ...... and to place them together you have dynamite & a lite match = explosions ..... the only problem is these explosions frequently don't effect the perpetrator only the victim! ......... destroyed by self implosion! .........
      This message tore off the scabs & scarred tissue from this wound ........ (*** sidenote ... if you have read my past posts you will understand I have been dealing with massive amounts of issues, problems and trials over the last year. ) This message fell onto a person who was still reeling from the day before when I had to "boot" the last homeless person from my home, then spend all day dealing with a major issue at work, I don't think I would disclose too much to say the police had to be called to help resolve the issue ....I was trapped for two hours by some very angry people that the police had to remove ......... this is a normal side of my job that can occur! ........ nevertheless I still like my job a lot.  FORGIVENESS ...... is sometimes a state of mind where being at peace within yourself despite the crashing waves of the raging storm around you is all you have.  ....... it was here I tried to crawl this morning as I read the message ...... BUT ...... like Peter in ............
Matthew 14:28-30    The Voice 
Peter: v28 Lord, if it is really You, then command me to meet You on the water.
Jesus: v29 Indeed, come. Peter stepped out of the boat onto the water and began walking toward Jesus. 
v30 But when he remembered how strong the wind was, his courage caught in his throat and he began to sink.
This morning I stepped out of the boat and into the raging storm of my sibling's "message" and then my courage and resolve caught in my throat and I began to sink into the waters of unforgiveness again. The message was full of inaccuracies and half truths that caused to say the least my blood pressure to rise!!!
EIGHT YEARS of peace and what I thought was complete forgiveness and in a moment ..... a wound I thought healed was ripped opened again. TRUTH & FORGIVENESS just went head to head in my emotional department. ......... I have been reeling all day. .......... Tearing apart what occured and dissecting it and re-examining the facts and "the message" so I can deal with one thing at a time.
Have I forgiven my sibling tonight? ....... in pieces and bits of pieces ...... this time I am more mature and have learned a lot through my first journey into this abyss of deep valleys and mountainous terrain. I know more where the pitfalls are and the safer routes to take are ...... I didn't choose to travel this again ...... nevertheless I now have been forced to retravel a much despised area of my life.
    LESSON: Sometimes God wants us to retravel places we have been to help us strengthen our weaker muscles of forgiveness and to forever win the race! I am going to win this one! ............ 

More Endings & New Beginnings

     May 7th 2014 ....... We ended the "Homeless Family" era on April 15th ..... we ended the Era of the Homeless Shelter yesterday. Our last "homeless person" left. They had been with us for 2 months ...... but you only can hide your true colors so long ..... and some are better then others ...... after a several issues and poor choices & arguements over rent & paying for their own gas to get to work ...... I had our homeless person leave ........ (they have a job so they were & are not destitute) ... I had warned them that my nerves were REAL SENSITIVE to anything at this point and I needed time to heal, I ALSO SAID NO ISSUES OR PROBLEMS AND YOU WILL HAVE A PLACE TO STAY.
     They didn't apparently understand that throwing "used" condoms in the middle of the livingroom floor with 4 dogs living in the home might be considered NOT FUNNY or that me or my husband may not consider it funny ...... then they decided that I needed to change the date their rent was due ...... even though I clearly wrote it out and they signed RENT & GAS MONEY WAS DUE EVERY FRIDAY!!! ........ then they felt I was trying to cheat them ...... hhhuuummmm???

Things have been altered to protect our privacy

April16th 2014   To: Justin XXXXX, 

Rent is $35.00 a week or $140.00 per month. Rent will be calculated from Saturday to Friday (7 days) 

Official Rent will Start this Friday April 18th 2014

 Rent will be due on Friday's

    Rent will include full use of the kitchen, laundry, bathroom & internet excluding ("movie watching" which we have already discovered …… LOL).

     Rent does not include Food & personal supplies. You will need to purchase or help purchase groceries. For meals etc ….. (Personal Supplies: shampoo, Body wash or soap, shaving supplies, etc …… ) 

     Rent does not include laundry soap, you will be expected to purchase your own laundry soap. (The dryer currently has a Bounce Bar in it which lasts 3 months so you do not have to purchase "Softener" 

       "Laundry Services" …… I am a "laundry person" I enjoy doing laundry. I do not mind helping keep your clothes washed, dried and folded etc …. as long as you keep them in the laundry basket. 

           The Cell Phone is $20.00 a month which includes unlimited talk & text. Data is an extra $10.00 per month. (I will provided you with the cell phone from April 7th to to May 7th 2014 without financial obligation to see if you want it)  if you feel you do not want to keep it, it is Ok, I am aware you have your Ipad. 

  The jeep gets about 15 miles to the gallon in town (not interstate travel)  a round trip to G.B. Park and back home is 19.8 miles. I am not charging you for the trip to work @ 1:00PM Monday thru Friday (round trip is 4 miles).  Currently gas is running approx. $3.74 (normally it has been $3.85) a gallon give or take it is costing me about $5.00 a trip to town. 

Monday, Thursday, & Friday = 3 trips x $5.00 = $15.00 

Saturday & Sunday normally will = 4 trips x $5.00 = $20.00 (unless I am going to town on Saturday anyway then I won't charge you the trip $$. )

   You started April 4th 2014 that has been 11 trips total (not counting if I was going to town anyway. $5.00 x 11 = $55.00 I have already had to put in gas to get you to work) You may make payments on this.

Weekly Rent $35.00 weekly gas to work $35.00 (and if gas goes down so will the price of the trip) = $70.00 a week currently.

Signed: ________________________________ Date: _____________

Signed: ________________________________ Date: _____________

This was the actual "contract I wrote up and he signed .... I never did get the $55.00 ...... and that brings me to this week ..... for the last two weeks he has been dragging his feet to pay rent & gas ..... constantly trying to weasle out of it.  The last straw that "broke the camels back" was Monday MORNING I PULLED INTO THE GAS STATION AFTER CARTING HIM TO WORK FOR A WEEK WITHOUT MONEY AND ASK HIM TO PLEASE PUT $30.00 GAS IN ....... HE OWED ME $35.00 ...... HE PUT IN $10.00 THEN SAID HE DIDN'T FEEL HE OWED ME ANYMORE ...... SAY WHAT???? I went from feeling moody to ANGRY fast!! ....... I had just used $30.00 of my own money to take him to work for the week. THEN I FOUND OUT HE HAD PURCHASED A XBOX 360 AND GAMES ...... THATS WHY HE COULDN'T AFFORD TO PAY ME ....... SAY WHAT!!! ............... 

I packed him out bag and baggage yesterday! ............. I just had the last drop of my "kindness to other's serum" used up ...... there is no more!! 

      LESSON LEARNED ...... #1) Don't be nice, ....... truly nice people are not appreciated  #2) People who need a place to stay generally are in that situation because they are going through everyone they know and using them until they have used that person all up then they go on to the next poor sap!  #3) I can say NO to people now and not feel guilty...... HALLALUJAH!!!! ...... #4) I can BE A NICE PERSON and still say NO!

#5) I really like the empty nest thing!!! #6) It's OK to say NO! #7) If they may cost you $$$$ RUN YOU POOR SAP .... RUN!!!!!