Life .... what is normal? I saw a cute saying the other day .... "Someone called me normal the other day, ... I was deeply insulted! " It tickled my funny bone and I laughed but .... BEING NORMAL? I am not sure what that is? ....
Yesterday I was so depressed and weighted down with heavy burdens and decision making .... I wasn't sure whether I was coming or going. I am in process of "altering some lives of some people" Dictates of my job and my home have forced me into positions that left no alternatives. My job as an apartment manager is one of the most rewarding jobs I have ever had! Renting apartments gives you opportunity to meet a lot of very interesting people, some really wonderful people and some who become terrific tenants then there is always those who don't fit any of those categories .... if you know what I mean!! We are a partially subsidized housing unit and when I can inform a tenant that they have been assigned assistance, and I am aware of the household income and I know the relief that the assistance will provide the household, it is a very rewarding experience. On the other hand when a household is unable to pay rent, sometimes I sit and cry with them when we come to the conclusion they must move. ..... And yes to be really honest there are those whose "moving" can bring much needed relief to the community and joy to the management office. ........... Then there is the home front .... this I can personalize ..... I became aware several weeks ago that Ms. D who lives with me had agreed in court to take custody of her 17 yr old daughter. This was after lengthy discussions between us where she said she didn't want custody and had no idea what she'd do if ask, she said she couldn't handle her 17 year old and wasn't emotionally stable enough to take on another child. I agreed with her and I felt we are already packed in and adding another adult size body to the mix who had in times past been an emotional roller coaster to be around and had become aggressively dangerous in the past, was too much. (Note** Missy K has grown up considerably BUT ..... leopards don't change their spots that easily they just learn to hide in taller grass ..... translation is: She seems a lot more "happy, peaceful ... etc .... etc .... BUT there were a few things that disturbed me still and I couldn't quite put my finger on it .... ) I had to be the bad guy and vehemently say NO ... NO .... NO!!! ..... to her living at our house. I spent the evening having accusing eyes staring holes into me ..... not the most pleasant feeling in your own home.
This morning I awoke so heavy feeling and weighted down with yesterdays decisions I barely could function. This HUGH BLACK CLOUD HOVERD OVER ME .... and .... it was gloomy and dark and rainy too ..... double black clouds .... emotional & natural. Headed to work and began to complain to God! .... Then I heard (rather felt this deep impression) to start to be thankful for everything ....... SAY WHAT?? THANKFUL FOR WHAT??? ..... Ok .... another deep impression came over me this time encouraging me to just start where I was at ...... Alright!! you want me to start where I am at??? Here it is ..... Thank you for the lousy mess I am facing ... Thank You for the heavy burdens that are piled on my shoulders, thank your for the this family that has caused me so much grief, Thank You for the this job that right now is a hugh pain as I have to deal with all these problems!! .......... All of a sudden ..... YEP!! SUDDENLY ..... this emotional ray of light began strongly impressing through me and swirling around me ..... as I continued along these lines of being thankful I began to really mean it in a TRUTHFUL SENSE and not just sarcastically. By the time I reached work I was finding real things to be thankful for. My misery, weights and pain had turned into joy, peace and calm. What came through originally that I had rejected was I needed to Praise ..... but I couldn't handle that word ..... BUT I COULD IDENTIFY WITH BEING THANKFUL ..... even if it was originally sarcastic, what was important was i was honest and I obeyed the "IMPRESSION" ...... Then I let God deal with the rest! ....... This was the best part of the roller coaster ride I had between the two days.
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