Today is Sunday ..... Attended church today .... I have been just attending Sunday School .... then finding one excuse or another to go home afterwards ...... (and sometimes their not bad excuses) but I feel I have no power over the excuse to press through to staying for the church service.
          I have battled for years a phobia that hit somewhere in the last 10 years ..... of crowds ...... I made excuses for a long time then I began to get a grip on this feeling that sent me reeling at times ..... I use to be a social butterfly, the more people around me the happier I felt, I thrived on crowds, the more the merrier! Then "Suddenly" as if over night I began to experience almost an "allergic reaction" to more then 3 people occupying  the same mile radius I was in ...... sigh!! NOT GOOD for my emotional roller coaster and this "Social Butterfly" who loved crowds.  Now a day I just deal with it ..... some days I do good and some days I withdraw from society. Today was a good day, I made it through the service without feeling like I was going to scream and run.
        One of my classmates today shared with me, they had had a not so "nice evening" ...... One of the fallacies (or mistakes others make believing something that isn't true) this is my definition ....... OK back to "The Fallacy" ...... I was raised in a home where we attended church services every time the door was open .... I have over the years developed this sense ..... this attitude, this idea and ideal that Christians are these people who are "darn near perfect" and set apart from any wrong doings, actions or reactions. WHERE DID THIS LIE COME FROM ANYWAY? and ....... yes YES YES!!! it is a lie! .... It may be in the statement when someone preaches to you .... "You must be born again" .....that this lie can form and take root, if the person who is being preached to isn't verbally instructed on a regular basis (someone tends to this person who has made this choice and gently teaches them the real truth on a regular basis) correctly and hands them a full instructional package (I like to call the Bible the full instructional package) ........ It's kind of like giving birth to a baby, dragging a cow from the pasture standing the cow by the baby and saying "OK little chap here's your food source go for it and have a great day!" then walk away with confidence that somehow this new born baby is going to eat ...... NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! ......  OK BACK TO OUR CONVERSATION >>>> I gave them my blog address and told them I have had a "bad day too ..... " and I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a human package of sometimes roller coaster emotions, bad attitudes, good ideas gone bad and let's just say we all have had a "BAD HAIR DAY!". I love to read My Instructional Package about King David ... He is my hero!! He was King of "Bad Hair Days!" ...... yet God called him a "Man after His own heart"! Hummm ..... what am I missing here? David was sometimes downright a bloomin bad guy ....
        Too often being a Christian is misinterpreted as "here is Miss or Mr goody two shoes out doing their good deeds for the day and being holier then thou" ......... and I'm as guilty as anyone with this attitude. (kinda comes when you also think your holier then thou too ...... ) Then when they make a mistake .... or at least we think they screwed up ..... WHEW .... WE LOVE TO ROAST THEM WITH OUR TONGUES OVER AN OPEN PUBLIC FIRE .......  Sigh!! I am again guilty as charged!! ....... Well I am here to tell anyone who will read this ..... Christians are really human after all ..... That's why I have decided to try to be real ..... what I am behind closed doors, I am in public! Sorry, those of you who know me,  if I get too real at times but .......hey .... this is me!
        My Blessings of 5 ...... are helping me realize just how human I am with all my imperfections .... some days I am scared to actually look at myself in the mirror, especially after I've had a bout with "My Own Uglies" .......... That's when this nasty tempered little ornery thing crawls out of my mouth and spews "Self Pity, NO body loves me, I'm the only one who cares, why does everyone stomp on me MENTALITY .... rises to the surface and starts to WHINE! ....... that's when I have to use (@#$%%^^%%$$ ) .... these type of symbols cause WHEW, it can get rough! ........ BUT THEN SUDDENLY ....... God somehow has a way of dropping PEACE on me ...... and correction so loving and gentle on my mind I almost physically drop to my knees in repentance (sometimes I'm just not where this can happen physically). I guess He wants me to learn this concept and pass it on! ........ Sometimes when people need love the most is when they are acting the worst and the ugliest. ........... It doesn't always mean we have to be a door mat but we do need to be a doorway ...... of love and kindness despite others actions and sometimes we have to learn to close that door with us on one side and them on the other and let them learn on their own well we sit on the other side in tears because we want to help them and can't. .......