I named this blog "And Suddenly ..... " my life has always felt like .... "and suddenly" no warnings, (none that I actually have listened too very much, .... OK OK OK so I have ignored some, quite a few , a lot?) SIGH !! I have this "Wee voice" that speaks to me things I really don't want to hear sometimes .... LOL!! It is way too honest for my tastes at times! .....
This week I have had a couple of scrap sinks sitting outside my office building, it has caused several calls to come in asking about them. One young man stopped by this morning, he lives near by and I let him have them after some inner struggles ...... "To get rid of ..... or .... not to get rid of" that is the question? We discussed the in's and out's of "collecting things, "hoarding things, and the mentality of "Don't throw it away you might need it someday" that can leave you with several storage units, sheds, garages, barns etc ... full of "YOU MIGHT NEED IT SOMEDAY" stuff. So all said and done I was successful this morning by letting him have them. For us "hoarders, collectors of stuff, keep it you may need it", type people it is comparable to trying to stop smoking or drinking or even over eating for that matter, it is an addiction we have allowed to overtake us, consume us and convince us we need to do this "thing" ...... NO one has forced us to do these things, we can blame others (it does make it easier to bare the facts if we don't take full responsibility for our actions) but bottom line is it is "we who just do it!"
My Blessings of 5 ..... I almost want to scream .... but we are definitely over the honeymoon stage!
If they look at me cross eyed it irritates me, if they sneeze wrong it drives me up the wall, and the constant blink blink blink of their eyelids is almost breaking the sound barrier in our house, and their eye lashes have invaded my space!! OH WHINE!!! Poor poor me what am I going to do?? blah blah blah!! ...... Actually ..... my little "SELF PITY" party is having to be dealt with in a major way and it is cramping my style! Sometimes you just have to love those who drive you nuts, go into hiding for a bit and GET OVER IT! ....
When things get just a bit more then one can deal with, where do you go? ..... and when you have whined so much your even tired of listening to yourself? ..... This is when I say OK God! ....... I hope my whining hasn't made You too upset either .... cause it sure is annoying me! ...... When your the person at the top of the "heap of life" in your "arena" and your where everyone else goes when they have a problems ..... where do you go when you have problems? ...... To those who do not believe in the existence of God .... good luck in life ...... for me I have to! I have to believe there is this Being who is there for me when I get to this point. That Being is God, He is "I Am" to me. When there is no where else to turn .... this is my choice.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Sometimes you just have to whine ....... sigh!! ..... yep it's allowed! ..... no matter who you are!! ..... Between dealing with people who have had a rough day, week, month or year (and want to use you as their verbal punching bag, your shoulder to cry on or your ear to bend) ...... there are the normal every day issues that come with being an apartment manager, and dealing with this "wonderful arrrrgghh!! UGH! blasted painful ..... sigh pinched nerve in my back, that is leaving my left arm feeling like a wet noodle with various levels of pain from my shoulder to the tips of my fingers, for various lengths of time ...... and, can I get it fixed? ..... Probably if I was .... let's say better endowed with something that made it possible to .... get it fixed ...... For now I am doing the "long term" thing (going to a chiropractor when I have the ability to go) ..... I am the "work horse , the "heavy burden carrier" the one who has to help lug 140 lb A/C units and appliances up stairs, wood to my house, furniture if someone needs help, and if I need to do some deep cleaning. ( and sadly I have kept pulling it back out again) ........... For those of you who are "religious" and think I should just have faith for healing ....... Yep! I have that too!!! BUT ...... when an athlete is doing endurance training it can get pretty painful ..... no one would say OK you can stop and don't do them exercises anymore ..... so all said and done I hope I can become a better person from experiencing this pain ....... NOT! ..... actually I am miserable and wish I could do something and some people say ...... "anybody can do anything they want to do if they want to do it bad enough" ... (yep...that's me again ... that has been one of those people who have made that witty little annoying comment) So the truth is, I am determined not to go into crazy debt again because of doctor bills ...... the stress alone from doctor bills can kill you way before the actual illness, injury, or sickness will, and before you ever get cured. ............. I am trying to do stretches and gyrations, to help it get back into place ........ and it works sometimes ......
ENOUGH whining! ..... sometimes I even annoy myself! ..... Were on a lull with my "Blessings of 5" ..... "baby boy" ..... came in this morning and wanted some "foffee in his bup" he's 3. One of my early morning joys ..... He loves to drink Maw maw's coffee. ...... Years ago I use to sit on my daddy's lap and sip his coffee, and my kids grew up sipping my coffee ..... I actually was in a "knock down argument with my mother in law when my kids were little, she accused me; that someday they would turn out to be way too short!! ...... Years later after her son and I had divorced, we were talking and I told her I had a bone to pick with her about her treatment of me over giving my kids coffee, My daughter is 6 foot tall and my son is 6 foot 4 inches. I told her I was thankful they were given coffee, I would have never been able to afford pants if they hadn't turned out so short! LOL! My ex-mother in law passed away earlier this year from a long fight with Dementia.
ENOUGH whining! ..... sometimes I even annoy myself! ..... Were on a lull with my "Blessings of 5" ..... "baby boy" ..... came in this morning and wanted some "foffee in his bup" he's 3. One of my early morning joys ..... He loves to drink Maw maw's coffee. ...... Years ago I use to sit on my daddy's lap and sip his coffee, and my kids grew up sipping my coffee ..... I actually was in a "knock down argument with my mother in law when my kids were little, she accused me; that someday they would turn out to be way too short!! ...... Years later after her son and I had divorced, we were talking and I told her I had a bone to pick with her about her treatment of me over giving my kids coffee, My daughter is 6 foot tall and my son is 6 foot 4 inches. I told her I was thankful they were given coffee, I would have never been able to afford pants if they hadn't turned out so short! LOL! My ex-mother in law passed away earlier this year from a long fight with Dementia.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Today is Sunday ..... Attended church today .... I have been just attending Sunday School .... then finding one excuse or another to go home afterwards ...... (and sometimes their not bad excuses) but I feel I have no power over the excuse to press through to staying for the church service.
I have battled for years a phobia that hit somewhere in the last 10 years ..... of crowds ...... I made excuses for a long time then I began to get a grip on this feeling that sent me reeling at times ..... I use to be a social butterfly, the more people around me the happier I felt, I thrived on crowds, the more the merrier! Then "Suddenly" as if over night I began to experience almost an "allergic reaction" to more then 3 people occupying the same mile radius I was in ...... sigh!! NOT GOOD for my emotional roller coaster and this "Social Butterfly" who loved crowds. Now a day I just deal with it ..... some days I do good and some days I withdraw from society. Today was a good day, I made it through the service without feeling like I was going to scream and run.
One of my classmates today shared with me, they had had a not so "nice evening" ...... One of the fallacies (or mistakes others make believing something that isn't true) this is my definition ....... OK back to "The Fallacy" ...... I was raised in a home where we attended church services every time the door was open .... I have over the years developed this sense ..... this attitude, this idea and ideal that Christians are these people who are "darn near perfect" and set apart from any wrong doings, actions or reactions. WHERE DID THIS LIE COME FROM ANYWAY? and ....... yes YES YES!!! it is a lie! .... It may be in the statement when someone preaches to you .... "You must be born again" .....that this lie can form and take root, if the person who is being preached to isn't verbally instructed on a regular basis (someone tends to this person who has made this choice and gently teaches them the real truth on a regular basis) correctly and hands them a full instructional package (I like to call the Bible the full instructional package) ........ It's kind of like giving birth to a baby, dragging a cow from the pasture standing the cow by the baby and saying "OK little chap here's your food source go for it and have a great day!" then walk away with confidence that somehow this new born baby is going to eat ...... NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! ...... OK BACK TO OUR CONVERSATION >>>> I gave them my blog address and told them I have had a "bad day too ..... " and I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a human package of sometimes roller coaster emotions, bad attitudes, good ideas gone bad and let's just say we all have had a "BAD HAIR DAY!". I love to read My Instructional Package about King David ... He is my hero!! He was King of "Bad Hair Days!" ...... yet God called him a "Man after His own heart"! Hummm ..... what am I missing here? David was sometimes downright a bloomin bad guy ....
Too often being a Christian is misinterpreted as "here is Miss or Mr goody two shoes out doing their good deeds for the day and being holier then thou" ......... and I'm as guilty as anyone with this attitude. (kinda comes when you also think your holier then thou too ...... ) Then when they make a mistake .... or at least we think they screwed up ..... WHEW .... WE LOVE TO ROAST THEM WITH OUR TONGUES OVER AN OPEN PUBLIC FIRE ....... Sigh!! I am again guilty as charged!! ....... Well I am here to tell anyone who will read this ..... Christians are really human after all ..... That's why I have decided to try to be real ..... what I am behind closed doors, I am in public! Sorry, those of you who know me, if I get too real at times but .......hey .... this is me!
My Blessings of 5 ...... are helping me realize just how human I am with all my imperfections .... some days I am scared to actually look at myself in the mirror, especially after I've had a bout with "My Own Uglies" .......... That's when this nasty tempered little ornery thing crawls out of my mouth and spews "Self Pity, NO body loves me, I'm the only one who cares, why does everyone stomp on me MENTALITY .... rises to the surface and starts to WHINE! ....... that's when I have to use (@#$%%^^%%$$ ) .... these type of symbols cause WHEW, it can get rough! ........ BUT THEN SUDDENLY ....... God somehow has a way of dropping PEACE on me ...... and correction so loving and gentle on my mind I almost physically drop to my knees in repentance (sometimes I'm just not where this can happen physically). I guess He wants me to learn this concept and pass it on! ........ Sometimes when people need love the most is when they are acting the worst and the ugliest. ........... It doesn't always mean we have to be a door mat but we do need to be a doorway ...... of love and kindness despite others actions and sometimes we have to learn to close that door with us on one side and them on the other and let them learn on their own well we sit on the other side in tears because we want to help them and can't. .......
I have battled for years a phobia that hit somewhere in the last 10 years ..... of crowds ...... I made excuses for a long time then I began to get a grip on this feeling that sent me reeling at times ..... I use to be a social butterfly, the more people around me the happier I felt, I thrived on crowds, the more the merrier! Then "Suddenly" as if over night I began to experience almost an "allergic reaction" to more then 3 people occupying the same mile radius I was in ...... sigh!! NOT GOOD for my emotional roller coaster and this "Social Butterfly" who loved crowds. Now a day I just deal with it ..... some days I do good and some days I withdraw from society. Today was a good day, I made it through the service without feeling like I was going to scream and run.
One of my classmates today shared with me, they had had a not so "nice evening" ...... One of the fallacies (or mistakes others make believing something that isn't true) this is my definition ....... OK back to "The Fallacy" ...... I was raised in a home where we attended church services every time the door was open .... I have over the years developed this sense ..... this attitude, this idea and ideal that Christians are these people who are "darn near perfect" and set apart from any wrong doings, actions or reactions. WHERE DID THIS LIE COME FROM ANYWAY? and ....... yes YES YES!!! it is a lie! .... It may be in the statement when someone preaches to you .... "You must be born again" .....that this lie can form and take root, if the person who is being preached to isn't verbally instructed on a regular basis (someone tends to this person who has made this choice and gently teaches them the real truth on a regular basis) correctly and hands them a full instructional package (I like to call the Bible the full instructional package) ........ It's kind of like giving birth to a baby, dragging a cow from the pasture standing the cow by the baby and saying "OK little chap here's your food source go for it and have a great day!" then walk away with confidence that somehow this new born baby is going to eat ...... NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! ...... OK BACK TO OUR CONVERSATION >>>> I gave them my blog address and told them I have had a "bad day too ..... " and I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a human package of sometimes roller coaster emotions, bad attitudes, good ideas gone bad and let's just say we all have had a "BAD HAIR DAY!". I love to read My Instructional Package about King David ... He is my hero!! He was King of "Bad Hair Days!" ...... yet God called him a "Man after His own heart"! Hummm ..... what am I missing here? David was sometimes downright a bloomin bad guy ....
Too often being a Christian is misinterpreted as "here is Miss or Mr goody two shoes out doing their good deeds for the day and being holier then thou" ......... and I'm as guilty as anyone with this attitude. (kinda comes when you also think your holier then thou too ...... ) Then when they make a mistake .... or at least we think they screwed up ..... WHEW .... WE LOVE TO ROAST THEM WITH OUR TONGUES OVER AN OPEN PUBLIC FIRE ....... Sigh!! I am again guilty as charged!! ....... Well I am here to tell anyone who will read this ..... Christians are really human after all ..... That's why I have decided to try to be real ..... what I am behind closed doors, I am in public! Sorry, those of you who know me, if I get too real at times but .......hey .... this is me!
My Blessings of 5 ...... are helping me realize just how human I am with all my imperfections .... some days I am scared to actually look at myself in the mirror, especially after I've had a bout with "My Own Uglies" .......... That's when this nasty tempered little ornery thing crawls out of my mouth and spews "Self Pity, NO body loves me, I'm the only one who cares, why does everyone stomp on me MENTALITY .... rises to the surface and starts to WHINE! ....... that's when I have to use (@#$%%^^%%$$ ) .... these type of symbols cause WHEW, it can get rough! ........ BUT THEN SUDDENLY ....... God somehow has a way of dropping PEACE on me ...... and correction so loving and gentle on my mind I almost physically drop to my knees in repentance (sometimes I'm just not where this can happen physically). I guess He wants me to learn this concept and pass it on! ........ Sometimes when people need love the most is when they are acting the worst and the ugliest. ........... It doesn't always mean we have to be a door mat but we do need to be a doorway ...... of love and kindness despite others actions and sometimes we have to learn to close that door with us on one side and them on the other and let them learn on their own well we sit on the other side in tears because we want to help them and can't. .......
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Saturday ..... July 20th 2013 ..... it's 6:44PM .... been up since about 6:30AM .... The 3 oldest of my Blessings of 5 didn't go to bed until about 6AM and the two wee ones were up @ 7:30AM ...... we had a great morning! ..... no"adults" up. They went swimming and we went for a walk, They played with toys in my room where it was cool and I was able to read. We all had lunch about noon. I think the "older ones" finally got up about 1PM. ..... I started to do some deep cleaning in my bedroom ....... whew .... what a job! Tore my king size bed down, cleaned underneath it. ...... Still battling the pinched nerve in my back that goes to my left arm. ...... but someone has to do this ..... then I sprayed for bugs. Summers in an old house is "bite fest city!" ...... we battle fleas, and other things that like to invade ..... spiders ..... etc! ...... Bugs don't like me but they love my hubby! They chew him to pieces.
While I was cleaning I came across a obsidian magnetic necklace in my stuff ..... I know there is a lot of "Alternative Medicine" that works with the magnetic field. I thought what's to lose, lets put it on and see if it can help. ...... about two hours later if felt like water or fingers were running down my left shoulder for a brief moment ..... I was hoping it was my nerve coming UN-PINCHED! ..... I am with less pain this evening but it is a continual battle of gyrations and stretches that keep it going for a few minutes then the pressure comes back ....... I ask "D" if SL could pick up a head of cabbage tonight for me. She said sure. ...... after all the chemicals I sprayed in my room I need a liver cleanse .... cabbage salad as I grew up calling it or cole slaw as it's referred to here in the south ..... is an awesome tasty liver cleanser. A half cup a day can keep your liver in top form. Your liver is the cleaner for toxins that go into your body. Sometimes you have to clean your filter out! LOL ....
I turned off the A/C in my bedroom and opened the windows to air it out. Now to wait 4 hours! UGH!! 7 + 4 = 11PM when I can go to bed ...... I don't like bug bombs cause they spray all over everything, I like non-areosol sprayers that you mix yourself. Actually I am not fond of chemicals in any form, but once in a while during the summer it's a needful thing at least once. My bedroom smells like kerosene.
Deep Cleaning ..... I actually am afraid of that word ..... that's where you dig out everything you have collected for umpteen years and try and decide what to do with it. I was reading this one "post" earlier on the "net" where someone had THROWN AWAY DVD's ..... a box by the curb or road side with "FREE" on the box would have got rid of them quickly. I broke out in hives when I read it. Whew ..... not something I need to read when I am trying to get rid of stuff my self ..... I almost had a relapse to my old "junkie days" (which really haven't ended but when your a second or maybe 3rd generation junk collector ..... and your trying to quit cold turkey, reading something like that can throw you back a few years ) ...... Ok I need to be truthful here ..... I have never actually tried to quit cold turkey ..... life is too full a treasures, and treasure troves in the most unexpected corners at a second hand shop ..... to truly quit ...... I can say I am trying to slow down, ease up, re-define what is a need and a want ..... and what I truly need.
While I was cleaning I came across a obsidian magnetic necklace in my stuff ..... I know there is a lot of "Alternative Medicine" that works with the magnetic field. I thought what's to lose, lets put it on and see if it can help. ...... about two hours later if felt like water or fingers were running down my left shoulder for a brief moment ..... I was hoping it was my nerve coming UN-PINCHED! ..... I am with less pain this evening but it is a continual battle of gyrations and stretches that keep it going for a few minutes then the pressure comes back ....... I ask "D" if SL could pick up a head of cabbage tonight for me. She said sure. ...... after all the chemicals I sprayed in my room I need a liver cleanse .... cabbage salad as I grew up calling it or cole slaw as it's referred to here in the south ..... is an awesome tasty liver cleanser. A half cup a day can keep your liver in top form. Your liver is the cleaner for toxins that go into your body. Sometimes you have to clean your filter out! LOL ....
I turned off the A/C in my bedroom and opened the windows to air it out. Now to wait 4 hours! UGH!! 7 + 4 = 11PM when I can go to bed ...... I don't like bug bombs cause they spray all over everything, I like non-areosol sprayers that you mix yourself. Actually I am not fond of chemicals in any form, but once in a while during the summer it's a needful thing at least once. My bedroom smells like kerosene.
Deep Cleaning ..... I actually am afraid of that word ..... that's where you dig out everything you have collected for umpteen years and try and decide what to do with it. I was reading this one "post" earlier on the "net" where someone had THROWN AWAY DVD's ..... a box by the curb or road side with "FREE" on the box would have got rid of them quickly. I broke out in hives when I read it. Whew ..... not something I need to read when I am trying to get rid of stuff my self ..... I almost had a relapse to my old "junkie days" (which really haven't ended but when your a second or maybe 3rd generation junk collector ..... and your trying to quit cold turkey, reading something like that can throw you back a few years ) ...... Ok I need to be truthful here ..... I have never actually tried to quit cold turkey ..... life is too full a treasures, and treasure troves in the most unexpected corners at a second hand shop ..... to truly quit ...... I can say I am trying to slow down, ease up, re-define what is a need and a want ..... and what I truly need.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
A calmer day ...... today is a fresh new day ...... feelings have been laid on the table, no aces still up the sleeve, aaahhhh!! ..... I spent all day yesterday having a lot of issues @ my job too. As an apartment manager sometimes you have those kind of days like home too ..... High heat, high tempers, rash decisions, people doing things and making poor choices because the heat has addled their brains. ...... But I made it through.
Fish Sticks .... my hubby walks in last night eating the bowl of left over fish sticks ..... I just looked at him, he said after they sat for 2 days he figured no one wanted them and didn't want them to go to waste. ....... God love him, he's a saint! ..... More Fish Stories ...... I have had this overwhelming craving for fish and ice cream lately ...... on the funny side of things I was picking on my Maintenance person and her fiance' ..... I told her I have this "crazy idea" for a Vividly Vanilla Bean ice cream with pieces of Anchovies in it. ... Sweet, Salty and two very different flavors Hummmm ?? (I had her and her other half gagging LOL!! ... some people are so squeamish) I sometimes have a weird sense of "Different Food Combo's" .....
I did go to the chiropractor yesterday and I now have use of my left arm! .... The pinched nerve is having some relief but still having to do some gyrations to keep it in place. Hoping it stays as time goes on ...... BUT alas ..... "we" as in my Maintenance person and my self had to put in a PTAC unit today .... and for those who don't know what one of these are ..... it is a A/C & Heat unit combined that you see in Hotel & Motel rooms. ours run about 140 pounds and is through the wall about 6 inches off the floor. It is big enough to cool and heat a small one bedroom apartment. This was a second floor apartment. I had to hull it up stairs yesterday when it was delivered. I went home last night and tackled the kitchen and dining table prior to writing and presenting the "Expectation" list to my Blessings of 5.
I was feeling a bit tense and ornery but as I went I said WHY NOT ME? ..... it helped loose that Poor Me / Self Pity Mentality! .... and I started to say "JUST DO IT!" again. Plus it only took me about 15 minutes total to clean my galley kitchen and pint size dining area.
..... I love coming home to hearing Mawmaw, Mawmaw!! from my excited little grandson, he frequently meets me at the door .... he's 3. He always has things to tell me ...... he speaks "dutchy" that's what we have always called baby language that we can't always decipher. He says "bup" for cup that is one word I have learned, ... but sigh ..... sadly, there are still lots of words I am having to learn, while he tries in frustration to make me understand. (I call these kids "grandchildren" although they are not biologically mine ..... but I love them just as if they were mine) I do have two beautiful grandchildren that are biologically mine, and I love dearly, they are my son's ...... I don't see them a whole lot. Sporadically at best, sadly probably will be like this for a long time to come.
Fish Sticks .... my hubby walks in last night eating the bowl of left over fish sticks ..... I just looked at him, he said after they sat for 2 days he figured no one wanted them and didn't want them to go to waste. ....... God love him, he's a saint! ..... More Fish Stories ...... I have had this overwhelming craving for fish and ice cream lately ...... on the funny side of things I was picking on my Maintenance person and her fiance' ..... I told her I have this "crazy idea" for a Vividly Vanilla Bean ice cream with pieces of Anchovies in it. ... Sweet, Salty and two very different flavors Hummmm ?? (I had her and her other half gagging LOL!! ... some people are so squeamish) I sometimes have a weird sense of "Different Food Combo's" .....
I did go to the chiropractor yesterday and I now have use of my left arm! .... The pinched nerve is having some relief but still having to do some gyrations to keep it in place. Hoping it stays as time goes on ...... BUT alas ..... "we" as in my Maintenance person and my self had to put in a PTAC unit today .... and for those who don't know what one of these are ..... it is a A/C & Heat unit combined that you see in Hotel & Motel rooms. ours run about 140 pounds and is through the wall about 6 inches off the floor. It is big enough to cool and heat a small one bedroom apartment. This was a second floor apartment. I had to hull it up stairs yesterday when it was delivered. I went home last night and tackled the kitchen and dining table prior to writing and presenting the "Expectation" list to my Blessings of 5.
I was feeling a bit tense and ornery but as I went I said WHY NOT ME? ..... it helped loose that Poor Me / Self Pity Mentality! .... and I started to say "JUST DO IT!" again. Plus it only took me about 15 minutes total to clean my galley kitchen and pint size dining area.
..... I love coming home to hearing Mawmaw, Mawmaw!! from my excited little grandson, he frequently meets me at the door .... he's 3. He always has things to tell me ...... he speaks "dutchy" that's what we have always called baby language that we can't always decipher. He says "bup" for cup that is one word I have learned, ... but sigh ..... sadly, there are still lots of words I am having to learn, while he tries in frustration to make me understand. (I call these kids "grandchildren" although they are not biologically mine ..... but I love them just as if they were mine) I do have two beautiful grandchildren that are biologically mine, and I love dearly, they are my son's ...... I don't see them a whole lot. Sporadically at best, sadly probably will be like this for a long time to come.
Expectations ...... we all have them.
Things we just assume of others, ourselves, God even life it's self. Things we plan out plot and hope will take place happen or occur. God is a hands down on the "know" part of our expectations .... but sometimes others, like humans for instance may not have had conveyed to them exactly what it is you were expecting. ........ My "Suddenly Package " of 5 humans is helping me learn to express my EXPECTATIONS in a whole different way. I have over the course of the last month and a half expressed my "do's and don'ts in various ways .... frequently I FELT the need to express them in those "it's happening moments" ...... when the actual situation was occurring, happening or taking place. I felt I was being "KIND, INFORMATIVE and HELPFUL" when I did this ...... in a very ...... well ..... in a very .... what I hoped was a "NICE VOICE" ...... sigh!!! sometimes what we want, isn't how it always comes out. ... My heart may be "feeling" in a "nice ( OK Terry get real!) .... condescending tone" "wipe the dining table off when your done eating". The "CONDESCENDING" that's really going on REALLY comes out ...... It's something I expect someone to know ...... but it's not necessarily always the truth of the matter. I have learned that humans can forget and in a given situation become numb to normal expectations. My Blessing of 5 are all right there ...... in the category of numbness and "not a clue".
After 6 weeks I have realized that my attitudes, feelings and "noble motives" need to be thrown out the window. If I am going to be Useful and truly be a "helpmeet" for this family I need some over hauling in the attitudes department. ...... Ok So I've made it 6 weeks ..... All the "un-niceties" are coming to surface in me ...... high temps with no A/C in our living quarters (sleeping quarters have A/C) everyone ornery from the heat ..... normal mid-summer thing here ...... and during the "High Heat" ..... YOU DO NOT TELL OTHERS THEY NEED TO CHANGE! .....
Solutions ..... I took time to write down my expectations ..... it was a "God Moment" ...... 10 simple things I expected of my "Blessing Package" ...... Things I had "assumed" they knew, would understand after a few brief words that would come "naturally to them after a few times ....... Simple things that wounded and dysfunctional people may not feel is needful to survive. God gave me words, in kind terms to write, so not to offend or demean, ...... I called a family meeting .... (they were reluctant to attend) due to the Green & Blue Smog left over from my eruptions earlier. I presented it to the Dad and told him as head of his household he needed to read them and then we would go over them. As we went over them ..... simple things ...... it became a positive experience. #1 POTTY CHAIR KEPT EMPTIED ON A REGULAR BASIS #2 Wet, Damp clothes, towels, anything cloth and yes any clothes, towels or cloth that has water on it HUNG UP TO DRY …. NOT THROWN IN LAUNDRY BASKETS (the water part was for the 12 year old, she didn't realize water made things damp. .... ) #3 Dirty dishes removed from DINING table when DONE EATING …. NOT 10 MINUTES LATER or ½ hour later IMMEDIATELY when your done eating! #4 ALL goo, goop, food stuff …. etc wiped off table when DONE EATING! and table cleaned up …. not later, not sometime, not whenever !!! #5 All food that is put in refrig MUST BE IN A COVERED CONTAINER, BAGGIE etc ….. #6 All prepared food taken care of after eating ….. It is not to be left out over night ….. I do not want any excuses why I have to get up in the morning and try and get coffee & breakfast around pans of food! #7 All good glass coffee mugs are to be left in the house & backyard sitting area ……. second hand shops carry travel mugs cheap for garage & traveling! #8 I do not feel it is unreasonable to expect ALL MOVIES to be replaced in their own covers after they are watched! ….. AND put back on the shelf instead of piled high in entertainment center #9 I do not feel it is unreasonable to expect to be able to get up in the morning and be able to make coffee and fixed breakfast in a fairly cleaned up kitchen. 15 minutes can do miracles in there!! ( we have a small galley kitchen) #10 I do not feel it is unreasonable to expect ALL toys to be cleaned out of tub after the kids bath. (the two smallest ones get bathed nightly ..... dirt & mud are a fact in the country)
Instructions may seem odd to most but when you have been dysfunctional for years and lived in sorrowful conditions without common normalicy in your life that many of us assume others know you can loose sight of what's normal. You let down your expectations of life, living and normal-ness until there is nothing left of what's real to the general population.
Things we just assume of others, ourselves, God even life it's self. Things we plan out plot and hope will take place happen or occur. God is a hands down on the "know" part of our expectations .... but sometimes others, like humans for instance may not have had conveyed to them exactly what it is you were expecting. ........ My "Suddenly Package " of 5 humans is helping me learn to express my EXPECTATIONS in a whole different way. I have over the course of the last month and a half expressed my "do's and don'ts in various ways .... frequently I FELT the need to express them in those "it's happening moments" ...... when the actual situation was occurring, happening or taking place. I felt I was being "KIND, INFORMATIVE and HELPFUL" when I did this ...... in a very ...... well ..... in a very .... what I hoped was a "NICE VOICE" ...... sigh!!! sometimes what we want, isn't how it always comes out. ... My heart may be "feeling" in a "nice ( OK Terry get real!) .... condescending tone" "wipe the dining table off when your done eating". The "CONDESCENDING" that's really going on REALLY comes out ...... It's something I expect someone to know ...... but it's not necessarily always the truth of the matter. I have learned that humans can forget and in a given situation become numb to normal expectations. My Blessing of 5 are all right there ...... in the category of numbness and "not a clue".
After 6 weeks I have realized that my attitudes, feelings and "noble motives" need to be thrown out the window. If I am going to be Useful and truly be a "helpmeet" for this family I need some over hauling in the attitudes department. ...... Ok So I've made it 6 weeks ..... All the "un-niceties" are coming to surface in me ...... high temps with no A/C in our living quarters (sleeping quarters have A/C) everyone ornery from the heat ..... normal mid-summer thing here ...... and during the "High Heat" ..... YOU DO NOT TELL OTHERS THEY NEED TO CHANGE! .....
Solutions ..... I took time to write down my expectations ..... it was a "God Moment" ...... 10 simple things I expected of my "Blessing Package" ...... Things I had "assumed" they knew, would understand after a few brief words that would come "naturally to them after a few times ....... Simple things that wounded and dysfunctional people may not feel is needful to survive. God gave me words, in kind terms to write, so not to offend or demean, ...... I called a family meeting .... (they were reluctant to attend) due to the Green & Blue Smog left over from my eruptions earlier. I presented it to the Dad and told him as head of his household he needed to read them and then we would go over them. As we went over them ..... simple things ...... it became a positive experience. #1 POTTY CHAIR KEPT EMPTIED ON A REGULAR BASIS #2 Wet, Damp clothes, towels, anything cloth and yes any clothes, towels or cloth that has water on it HUNG UP TO DRY …. NOT THROWN IN LAUNDRY BASKETS (the water part was for the 12 year old, she didn't realize water made things damp. .... ) #3 Dirty dishes removed from DINING table when DONE EATING …. NOT 10 MINUTES LATER or ½ hour later IMMEDIATELY when your done eating! #4 ALL goo, goop, food stuff …. etc wiped off table when DONE EATING! and table cleaned up …. not later, not sometime, not whenever !!! #5 All food that is put in refrig MUST BE IN A COVERED CONTAINER, BAGGIE etc ….. #6 All prepared food taken care of after eating ….. It is not to be left out over night ….. I do not want any excuses why I have to get up in the morning and try and get coffee & breakfast around pans of food! #7 All good glass coffee mugs are to be left in the house & backyard sitting area ……. second hand shops carry travel mugs cheap for garage & traveling! #8 I do not feel it is unreasonable to expect ALL MOVIES to be replaced in their own covers after they are watched! ….. AND put back on the shelf instead of piled high in entertainment center #9 I do not feel it is unreasonable to expect to be able to get up in the morning and be able to make coffee and fixed breakfast in a fairly cleaned up kitchen. 15 minutes can do miracles in there!! ( we have a small galley kitchen) #10 I do not feel it is unreasonable to expect ALL toys to be cleaned out of tub after the kids bath. (the two smallest ones get bathed nightly ..... dirt & mud are a fact in the country)
Instructions may seem odd to most but when you have been dysfunctional for years and lived in sorrowful conditions without common normalicy in your life that many of us assume others know you can loose sight of what's normal. You let down your expectations of life, living and normal-ness until there is nothing left of what's real to the general population.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Whew .... time has flown ...... I believe it was June 6th 2013 was Day 5 & 6 maybe or 6 & 7 last time I wrote ...... now it's July 17th @ 6:54PM and I am facing temps in the 90's with no A/C in our living areas. We have small A/C's in the bedrooms & here in the computer room ..... chewing up electric and spittin' it out fast! ..... Our electric bill doubled from LAST MONTH, and our water bill almost doubled! ...... Still cookin on one burner, and now it is a true blessing ..... less heat in the kitchen ... but we keep blowing the breaker. Can't run the microwave and the burner at the same time. I hooked up a stove in the garage but ..... the uneven trip to the garage & back with hot food is a "journey" all it's own. My temperment is to say the least is not "saintly" ..... Ended up with a pinched nerve in my back affecting my left arm last Saturday, couldn't do a blasted thing all weekend except sit still and not move it!! ..... been having the chiropractor work on it ..... feels better tonight ..... but my mood is not as adjustable, sigh! With high heat comes hot tempers & brings out the worst in everyone ...... Came home last night to our Akita's harness missing again ..... have ask and told eveyone to watch the kids and NOT LET THEM REMOVE IT! ...... She's still a youngun and wild to put it mildly but the harness gives us a way to corral & manage her without hurting her. I WAS UPSET! ..... after few times you'd think everyone would remember to PAY ATTENTION! ..... Then SL opened mouth and inserted his foot ..... "maybe you took it off and are trying to blame one of us ....... Terry the VOLCANO errupts!! and LAVA WORDS start to blow!! ....... @#$%^&&^%$ *&^%##$%$## @@%$% ....... GREEN and BLACK plumbs spewing!!! ...... what did you say to me? ....... Today I am still shaking my head over the DUMB REMARK!! ...... yah; I blamed it on the heat ......
I have been hungry for fish ..... I buy a 44 piece box of fish sticks before I came home from work ...... after I blew, after I finished spewing .... much later I tell them I have fish sticks if they would like some ..... (I'm not all bad) ...... later I walk into a VERY HOT KITCHEN .... they are cooking fish sticks ...... forward to this morning ..... I tell them last night I want enough to take to work the rest of the week ...... NO BOX OF FISH STICKS IN BIG FREEZER ..... !!!!! What the @@#$%^
&*&*^%$#@ ...... ( I really don't say horribly bad words really ..... I just feel like it!! LOL) I am fuming!! then I open the refrig to finds a bowl of dried up left over fish sticks sitting on a shelf uncovered ...... MORE STEAM & LAVA!!! ..... Later I send a ornery text to SL .... they all have no questions I am upset! ...... to shorten this story I find out they have taken the bag out of the box, threw the box away and put them in the small freezer ....... WHY??? I must ask was it so hard to just leave MY FISH STICKS ALONE AND IN THE BOX IN THE BIG FREEZER??? ....... where I could find them .... HUH??
OK you've guessed it the honeymoon phase is over. REALLY OVER!! I told God I want to bail out! .....I am not a Marathon Runner! I Sprint well but I am not good at the long endurance runs. He said I am going to learn ENDURANCE!! .....I threw a temper tantrum today!! My place is trashed, I have had to clean the kitchen twice in the last week (that is all it's been cleaned in the last week!) I have ask the 12 yr old to keep the table washed off ...... she thinks I am being mean ..... so it spends most of the time with nasty goo and goop on it now until I snap and wipe it off ..... occasinally ...... I hung a sign up ages ago to PLEASE NOT PLACE ANYTHING WET OR DAMP IN THE LAUNDRY BASKET IN THE BATHROOM ..... JUST HANG IT UP SO IT DRIES OUT FIRST. ....... Nope not happening ...... I ask the 12 year old specifically to not throw her wet towel in there the other day ..... she tells me it's not wet it only has water on it ....... DO YA THINK? WHEW !! temper temper temper!!!!! ...... PARENTS ..... the "parents" ...... ahhhhh the parents ....... sad sad sad!!! .... I have to be careful not to incriminate myself ....... I know this is not going to be easy ....... I'm screaming for a slight miracle at this point! LOL ...... like maybe just some Brain growth under the hair area of some heads ...... LOL!!! ...... well I will try and post more often to record how this ENDURANCE TRAINING IS DOING!
I have been hungry for fish ..... I buy a 44 piece box of fish sticks before I came home from work ...... after I blew, after I finished spewing .... much later I tell them I have fish sticks if they would like some ..... (I'm not all bad) ...... later I walk into a VERY HOT KITCHEN .... they are cooking fish sticks ...... forward to this morning ..... I tell them last night I want enough to take to work the rest of the week ...... NO BOX OF FISH STICKS IN BIG FREEZER ..... !!!!! What the @@#$%^
&*&*^%$#@ ...... ( I really don't say horribly bad words really ..... I just feel like it!! LOL) I am fuming!! then I open the refrig to finds a bowl of dried up left over fish sticks sitting on a shelf uncovered ...... MORE STEAM & LAVA!!! ..... Later I send a ornery text to SL .... they all have no questions I am upset! ...... to shorten this story I find out they have taken the bag out of the box, threw the box away and put them in the small freezer ....... WHY??? I must ask was it so hard to just leave MY FISH STICKS ALONE AND IN THE BOX IN THE BIG FREEZER??? ....... where I could find them .... HUH??
OK you've guessed it the honeymoon phase is over. REALLY OVER!! I told God I want to bail out! .....I am not a Marathon Runner! I Sprint well but I am not good at the long endurance runs. He said I am going to learn ENDURANCE!! .....I threw a temper tantrum today!! My place is trashed, I have had to clean the kitchen twice in the last week (that is all it's been cleaned in the last week!) I have ask the 12 yr old to keep the table washed off ...... she thinks I am being mean ..... so it spends most of the time with nasty goo and goop on it now until I snap and wipe it off ..... occasinally ...... I hung a sign up ages ago to PLEASE NOT PLACE ANYTHING WET OR DAMP IN THE LAUNDRY BASKET IN THE BATHROOM ..... JUST HANG IT UP SO IT DRIES OUT FIRST. ....... Nope not happening ...... I ask the 12 year old specifically to not throw her wet towel in there the other day ..... she tells me it's not wet it only has water on it ....... DO YA THINK? WHEW !! temper temper temper!!!!! ...... PARENTS ..... the "parents" ...... ahhhhh the parents ....... sad sad sad!!! .... I have to be careful not to incriminate myself ....... I know this is not going to be easy ....... I'm screaming for a slight miracle at this point! LOL ...... like maybe just some Brain growth under the hair area of some heads ...... LOL!!! ...... well I will try and post more often to record how this ENDURANCE TRAINING IS DOING!
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