Memories we hold dear ......

     And suddenly ...... This was the home I spent some of my growing up years in ..... This is the home my 81 year old Mom has spent almost 50 years in. Yesterday April 6th 2014 as my daughter was working an event at the local fire station a call came in that my mother's home was "fully engulfed"  .....

      This is the picture of what my daughter's father took as he was there before the fire trucks arrived. He only lives a short distance from my mother and was able to be there in minutes after he received the call. ........ My Mom's place was built possibly pre-civil war era we had been told it was very old. It was
a 10 room farm house where the center of living was the large 15 x 22 kitchen that held our big family, friends and extended family that seemed to be there every Sunday for one of my Mom's delicious home cooked Sunday dinners. It is where family and friends fellowshipped around a huge old wooden table that was able to seat 12 comfortably, not just on Sunday's but anytime you stopped by to see "Mom" or "Aunt Naomi" as some called her.
    This house was full of memories. This is where my siblings, kids & grandkids and my kids & grandkids, explored and spent time at grandma's house. We have all been blessed over the years to have been allowed to bring home treasures and memento's from here. Mom always felt she rather we have things before she died then to wait ....... Today there are many grateful children, grandchildren & great grandchildren who possess a piece of memory from this place in our hearts.
   
   As I sit 750 miles away absorbing the shock still of this event that suddenly rocked our world and adjusting to this SUDDENLY that just happened, I have spent a lot of time over the past 24 hours thinking on all the memories. I think when a fire happens like this your memories turn to material things, family photo's on the wall, kinck knacks from all of us that was treasured, the large piano that graced Mom's livingroom, memories of standing around the piano and singing hymns and gospel songs. The touch lamp I gave Mom years ago and fasinated my kids as well as my neices and nephews. My son making sandwiches at mom's table out of what ever his heart desired in Grandma's kitchen .... I believe one consisted of peanut butter , black olives and who knows what else ..... I was offered a bit and declined by my then small son (who now stands 6'4" and still likes "weird food") who insisted it was really good. Visiting with my bedridden stepfather whose sense of humor remained despite being bedridden with  Multiple Sclerosis, who passed from this life into the eternity at the age of 75 in 1996 surrounded by a loving family.

     I am so thankful that I have taken many pictures of many memories over years inside and outside of the house .... Memories .......

     We all have them ..... each of us pieces of the past imbedded in our brains like puzzle pieces. Each of us bearing different perspectives and views of our lives as it unfolded inside and outside the man made walls that held so many treasures from times past, now gone. Yet ... as I sit here I think about the blessings that were there yesterday .... God prompted my Mom to leave for my nephew's wedding earlier then she intended ..... if she had left later she possibly would have been a casuality of the fire. We all know our Mom would have tried to salvage stuff from the house if she'd been there and possibly could have lost her life doing so. She was headed to a wedding where she was surrounded by many loving family to help support her during this tragic time. At 81 she was coming to a place in her life where she needed to make some decisions to "move somewhere easier" to live. Mom had only one source of heat and it was a old old stove in the basement of the house.She accessed this from a ladder into the cellar. In the winter she made many trips during the night up and down this ladder tending to this wood stove all alone in this big old house. There was the wood that was delivered by tractor trailer load in the summer and fall months that she had to transport into the cellar by a wheel burrow then tossed through an opened window in the basement and stack inside the cellar to be kept dry. Then there was her stuff, the house was filled literally with much stuff, 50 years of "keepings" as her kids, we were not sure what or who was going to help Mom with the task of "moving" ...... The decision is now over and made. All of us, my siblings,  neices , nephews and myself deeply believe God did not cause the fire but graciously through this sad turn of events blessed us and kept our precious Mom & grandma safe, and the event it's self has closed a door for us that will open a better door for our Mom to be able to move on.
 

November 2013 to April 2014 Updates

    It's been close to 4-1/2 months already since I blogged last. Where oh where do I begin ???  Our family has increased shrunk and increased again as we have some coming and going.  We took in a homeless fellow for a spell I'll call Mr. C .... when we first took in Mr C. he pitched in and helped here and there seeing how we were having to support him 100% I felt it was the right thing for him to do. He had been "homeless" actually for years and after a October 2013 to January 2014 stay I helped him become "homeless" again .... SIGH !!some people just feel they are "ENTITLED" .... Mr. C felt he was entitled to live off other's good graces, felt he did not have to work after a bit, and felt he was not required to share other peoples food .... in other words he'd be the first in the kitchen when a meal was prepared for 8 of us and pile his plate full of grub and leave scrapping for the other 7 of us to divide up!!!! (that came to a quick end after I blew up over having a HOG in the house!) Then he'd bragged how he hadn't held a job since 1979 and by golly he was entitled to Social Security and he was going to get it!!  (Mr. C was 56 years old when he left our "humble abode") Mr. C felt so great .... when he signed up for FREE HEALTH CARE and was able to go and get a full physical work-up done so he could finally convince everyone he was "unable to work!" ...... BUT .... SIGH!! poor Mr. C ..... what a horrible blow was dealt him!! All his medical tests came back and low and behold he was in better health then me or my other half or all the other adults in our household!!! He literally sat for 3 days on our couch and POUTED!!! imagine that !!! upset cause he was healthy!! That's when I had him leave to go live off someone else's good graces!
     We now have a really nice young man who has come to share our place for awhile ..... he's from out of state .... actually wants a job, and is pleasant to be around ..... so far so good .....
      Ok .... where ARE WE ON OUR FAMILY ..... ?? Mr. S has been playing around, and finally got caught ...... Ms. D has had a meds change and is doing awesome, Missy L has leveled out ... somewhat ..... still have a lot of issues though ..... and the "babies" are doing just fine ..... ALOT of water has ran over the dam of no return @ this time ....... I have ask Mr. S to leave by April 8th ..... For approxiately 6 to 8 weeks now he has been acting WEIRD! ..... his mistress is on heroin and due to some oddball behavior I am sorely afraid that he is too. I am hoping I am wrong ..... truly for his kids sake I desperately hope I am wrong. Ms D needs to stay strong through this whole mess so she makes good decisions!

A Sabbatical Month .... November 2013

   Nov. 30th 2013 ....  I took a Sabbatical from "thinking" .... no not really .. but how do you address "same ole same ole" and keep it interesting?  Either everyone plus yourself begins to grow tired of the WHINE or it grows very boring! ....... the other side is a lack of access to a computer when I want to write ..... I am really on my Hubby to get another computer so we both can have one.
     So where are we? ..... Lots of emotions and upheavals in the last month! ...... On November 4th Ms. "D" left for West Virginia, her mother is gravely ill and is dying. FOUR DAYS OF PEACE!! Woohoohoo!!! No really it was! ...... We had 4 days of the kids behavior improved tremendously, Missy L was controlled, and we had only one out of control incident with Missy L. Mr.S spent time out in the living quarters with the kids and joined in conversations with the rest of the family. Mr. S actually was able to get some sleep for 4 nights. (Ms.D arrived @ bus station @ 10PM on Nov. 8th)
   December 10th 2013 .....  Ms. D has been going great for the last week ... Hallelujah!! I actually was able to approach her and compliment her on her better moods. I told her I loved this person, and it wasn't I didn't love the other "angry, resentful, hateful cussing and foul mouthed person" I just didn't like her actions or behavior. I also told her i wish she would work on her foul language and get rid of it as a way of coping when she is this other person! ....... We still have the everyday difficulties that go with a dysfunctional family ...... Sunday I so needed to stay for church ..... but Bubby was in a "MOOD" from the get go! ..... NOT LISTENING! ..... even his sunday school teacher was not impressed with his behavior and mentioned he was a handful because he wasn't listening. ...... I had planned on staying for church but had to leave because he was acting out so BAD!! SIGH!!! ....... this was a 1st for him, normally he is fairly well behaved @ church.

Decisions ... Decisions

October 28th 2013 ..... 0n lunch break ..... Had an awesome weekend @ the training seminar. Learned a lot. Stayed with one of the Trainers and spent a very wonderful relaxing time unwinding at a very gracious home of my hostess.
  To back track .... On Thursday arrived home late afternoon to find my house turned upside down by two "rug rats" our 3 & 4 year old .... I stifled my anger and ask ..... WHY!!! ??? with 5 adults home all day the house looks like a tornado hit it. .... I was told that i had no right to expect them to watch the kids all the time ....... say what??!! .......... 
     How long is too long? .... How much does one have to endure to fulfill "your not moving anymore, your going to live here"? ..... that was my noble statement while this family was fresh and needing help to get on there feet. Now it's back to "same old same old" .... total disrespect for my home, treating me like they are the owners and not my hubby & me. The debris field that they are creating is getting worst. ...... They are getting no where fast ..... it's like they are moving backwards again into the ABYSS ..... where they keep falling into repeatedly ..... 
    I am trying to come up with a game plan that can and will be helpful to them and us .... They have no where to go and couldn't afford it even if they wanted to. ..... And if they go they will more then likely loose their kids ..... possibly forever! ...... lot weighing on my shoulders. 

Mental illness has no time schedule.

    Sunday afternoon ..... Oct 20th 2013 ...... Oh what 24 hours can bring ...... All this past week I had tentatively prepared in my mind and verbally with everyone else in the household that we were going to tear out the kitchen .. at least the half our non-working range top & built in oven occupied. I was suppose to have some help ...... well I did ... but .... not with cleaning out stuff & having it ready to tear out on Saturday morning. Mental illness has no time schedule or preference when it comes and goes; not that it ever leaves but certain aspects of certain mental illnesses have their cycles. It also knows no age boundaries. Ms. D has hers. We have had a really great week, she was highly functioning, and upbeat. By Friday morning I had high hopes ...... by Friday night she was spiraling downward into the abyss of dismal thinking and responses. I didn't hold out any hope of her being any help with the kitchen.  On Friday night the sweet talking and kind person was vanishing into this foul languages mean person who thinks in terms of warped anger and self imploding/ destructive mentality and this is when we are having good moments with everyone else. The positive side is Miss LL (our 13 yr old) was holding her own and working through her own Explosive Anger Disorder and controlling it somewhat. I was proud of her. All and all you take what you can get when you get it.

     I have joined NAMI .... it is the National Alliance on Mental Illness  I hope to become a facilitator (a counselor / group leader) in my area when done with all the training I am about to embark upon. .... I know in and of myself I am totally inadequate to help this family group that lives with me. My training so far has consisted of the school of LIFE'S EXPERIENCES! That is all I know is what I have learned through daily living, working, associating with, dealing with various interactions with others who have emotional and mental issues.

    All said and done ..... we (as in Mr SL, Mr. C and myself) tore out our kitchen, range top, built in oven, counter top, & what was left of the cabinets. My hubby helped here and there where he could. My plan was to wire in a new stove receptacle for the stove that was in the garage to plug into. That was the plan ...... but here is the actual reality ...... We found that there was aluminum wire from the built in oven to the wall.  We had to go to town and buy some copper wire to wire in the receptacle for the stove. by the time we had this done it was late afternoon. That's when we flipped the breakers and BANG! all the electric went out ....... so now here is 9 of us & no electric. ....... Well we got some of it working ..... about 1/2 the house. We had to take the microwave into the laundry room, run extension cords from the bathroom ..... and call an electrician! ...... God bless our electrician friend! they came out this morning (Sunday) ...... Our main breaker outisde is almost fried. We are hoping to get it fixed by Thursday or Friday. That's when we have made plans to have our elecrician friends back. ..........  By then we should be able to have the parts we need & the electric company here to shut off the electric to the place.

A Bit Crazy Suddenly ...

    Oct 5th 2013 I have tried to think of several new names for this blog ..... like the "Incredible Crazy Journey" .... or maybe "Out of My Mind and Loving It" which sounds way to mushy .... or "Living in an Insane Asylum" which would sometimes be a bit more accurate .... but .... not always true ... we do have some incredibly awesome good moments .... (but I'm sure they do in those places where the mentally ill reside too ......) Trying to be politically correct here .... LOL. 
      Last Sunday was my birthday .... fairly nice and comfy ... only two major upheavals from the 13 year old Miss LL .... one on Saturday and one on Sunday. Instead of her "Out of Controls" at night she now has with a med change switched to mornings Oh hurrah hurrah!!@! .....
    This past week we kind of went from 8 of us now to 9 of us ...... A long time ago I ask God to quit sending me stray animals ....... I was Pet Food Poor!! ...... So now I get stray people ..... LOL.
A man was dropped off at my office ..... it was someone I knew .... he was about the first person I actually got to know when we moved to Kentucky 20 years ago. I met him @ the library. Anyway Chuck had been living with some people we knew, they are a lot like us, they took in every stray animal and homeless human in the county ..... Chuck was one of them. They (including Chuck) lost everything in a house fire about 2 weeks ago, thus we took in Chuck. ...... He just about has no one. His daughter died a couple of years ago  from a grand mall seizure, she was in her early 30's and his mom is in a nursing home. He stayed at the nursing home until we took him in.
     October 17th 2013 ..... Been awhile since I posted .... Chuck has been with us for about 3 weeks now, SIGH!! ..... he is really a nice person but lives in this imaginary world. He has no income and not a lot of oomph to find work. He excels at watching documentaries, westerns, and any other video's that catches his eye, he also loves to be on our computer all day searching for "LOST TREASURES & where to "Gold prospect", and where to hunt for "Bigfoot" ......... Chuck is a mid "fifty-ish child" who was VERY CLOSE to his mama and very doted on by her. Nevertheless ......  he's not with mama anymore and yesterday he found out that I can get ornery when I come home and find he'd been on the computer all day and nothing was done!! (he was home alone all day) Mr. S & Ms. D took Missy LL to  try and get her admitted into a hospital for some help ...... I had Bubby and Miss K had Pixie. So I took some time to cool off a bit then ask him to please DO SOMETHING!! ....... so .... I got my floors swept & my dishes done.

Knee Jerk Reactions

    I was writing in my journal this morning ..... and reading a devotional book I read everyday. It was giving some instructons how to improve one's spiritual walk basically. As I journaled (wrote in my book) I penned the words "Knee Jerk Reaction" I say it often but never took time to really think about wht I said. This morning it hit me !! ....... this is when the doctor takes his or her, as in my case and taps your knee and your lower leg kicks out. Often "Knee Jerk Reactions" in our life aren't from large things hitting us up side the head but from small nudges and taps below the "knees" so to speak that create a instant responce from us. ...........
       I began to think about those "things and situations" that cause these kind of reactions and what makes me respond the way I do? ....................
#1) To have a "KJR" (Knee Jerk Reaction) first of all you need to have been programmed with the idea or ideal how to react then you need to be programmed with a reaction.
 #2) It has become a naturally imbedded response to certain given situations and happenings.
      For me ..... as I began to explore these particular mentalities I possess that cause these reactions, it was like a snowball rolling down a mountain side to the deepest valley below.
     One of the "KJR's" I have is "Mis-Trust" in certain people with in the parameters of certain situations.  One particlar situation that occured yesterday was our computer was "messed with". I recieved a call from a very distraught hubby late in the afternoon when he arrived home to find he couldn't access his email, Facebook or his game. He tried to discribe what was going on but to be honest all I "heard" was it was seriously messed up!! I was "certain who was responsible" so therefore began to build on this "KJR" to what I assumed was the "WHO & the WHY!" ...... From the point of informaton over the phone to when I actually arrived home was several hours. That was several hours of IMAGINATION running rampant with possibilities .......
    Arriving home I made some verbal inquiries ( and accusations) about who was home all day.... I found out who I THOUGHT was here all day unsupervised wasn't. That threw the first kink into my "KJR" ..... and I must say it slowed my "KJR" down considerably. The second piece of info was .... who was on it, our 13 yr old. She doesn't have the general abilities to screw it up on purpose. So another kink went into my "KJR" I was already on a roll and being a bit loud and "yelly" in the process...... Then I actually came into the computer room to have a look at the computer ..... I must say it was everything my hubby discribed .......After considering it for a bit, I decided to "LOGGED OUT" ....... that's when I discovered that "the someone (our 13 yr old) " who was already hitting her Explosive Anger Disorder LEVELS from my "KJR" when I got home ..... was the one who more then likely was responsible. .......... and more then likely she was gearing up because she knew she was responsible. .......... That's when I realized my KJR was WRONG! ( as most of the 90% of them are)  "KJR's" are mostly ASSUMING THINGS before all the facts are in, which can really mess things up when you find out the REAL FACTS and they aren't even close to the "KJR" It leaves a basic mess for the person who is owner of the "KJR" to sort it out, fix it and clean up the problem the "KJR" caused!
    OK so here's what happen ...... years ago when we had custody of our 16 year old grandson we gave him his own "LOG IN" site for our computer this was so we could set up PARENTAL CONTROLS on his site and then we could have our own stuff without him accessing our side. He liked to do things on the computer when angry. So this kept our stuff safe (like not deleted or worst). Anyway he ended up having to be in a special foster home for out of control kids because we couldn't deal with his ANGER, RUNNING AWAY, STEALING and DRUG DEALING any longer. After he left we didn't have need to access it and so it was left alone and passwords were forgotten ....... UNTIL YESTERDAY ..... when Miss LL typed in a password she randomly found in our "book of information" and it ACTUALLY WAS THE PASSWORD! ........ so what we thought was bad turned out to be good ..... and now after her & I doing some in depth discussions she has her own side to the computer she can access .... with PARENTAL CONTROLS intact.